family and judgements

I am enduring a situation that is really tearing me apart. My daughter and i have always been close. We have only each other , the rest of our family has passed away. After separating from my husband , I moved in with my daughter. My self-esteem was at an all time low thanks to the marriage, but after the separation, I was beginning to make some progress. Then illness struck and menopause and my mood came crashing down. My daughter believes that the answers are simple.....put myself out there and get a life. Easier said than done considering that I can barely get off the sofa on any given day. She is now avoiding me. She won't speak to me and treats me like a houseplant! I now ignore her in return, but this whole mess is breaking my heart. Any suggestions? I would move, but I have nowhere to go and no funds to relocate. Help! and thanks.....

I have no suggestions
Just wanted to offer a if ok

Hello, tonih. What an unfortunate situation. I can understand how hard it is for you.

My suggestion is to look in the yellow pages for support groups or mental health services. Call these places and explain what you are dealing with and find out if there is an organization or agency that will help you. Your doctor may have information about help and even refer you to someone.

It appears to me you might benefit from therapy and an antidepressant. At some point, I hope your daughter will understand it is not your fault that you are experiencing difficulties.

In any event, I hope you take action to help yourself. Good luck!

hi tonih, welcome to PC

I agree with TheByzantine, have you been to see a doctor about the way you're feeling? On top of getting help, your daughter might see this is more than the blues if you have a medical diagnosis. It might be a good idea to get therapy as well -- either for yourself or both of you. Talking to a professional might help you sort out some of your problems in both your relationship with your daughter and the underlying issues that have led you to feel so low in the first place.

Wishing you lots of luck.

Tonih,

I am going to share this with you and it is coming from very personal experience.

What you wrote about describes my Mother and I to a T. A couple years ago, after I got out of psych hospitalization, my Mother moved in with me and her and her husband divorced.

My Mother has had a life long problem with depression, and in my opinion PTSD. She denies it, but she too can not get herself out of her recliner.

This is where my experience comes in....

It is very possible that it is entirely too painful for your daughter to stand back and watch your life wither and fade before her eyes. I watch my Mother wilt like a flower everyday and it rips my insides out. So...now I avoid her and I am learning how to not be so co-dependent and working hard to let her go. I've been in a position of having to be more of a parent to her, than her to me...and all I want is for her to take a step and reach for life instead of just existing to die.

Now I know that you and your daughter's situation is not mine and my Mothers, it just sounds real similar.

The good news is...you seem to be aware that there is an issue here. Is there a way that you could take a step forward and get yourself into some therapy for your issues. This would most importantly help you to start to build an enjoyable life for you, but it would also help your relationship with your daughter.

She can't stand to watch you die like this.....and it hurts her so bad that it is emotionally easier for her to pull away from you and distance herself than it is for her to stay close to you and watch your life crumble down to nothing.

For you and your daughter....please....reach out and go talk with someone who can help you through this.

And keep posting here...we will be here for you!!

To all who commented on my dilema...thanks. I apologize for taking several days to get back to everyone, but I am following your sage advice and am seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. Hopefully, with therapy and med changes etc. things will begin to look up. Thanks again!and have a safe and contented Thanksgiving!.....Tonih

Dear Elysium......thanks for sharing your story. It is very close to the situation between my daughter and myself. I am keenly aware that this is painful for her. Unfortunately , that tends to add to my guilt, depression, and shame. Please know that I am trying to get my life together. I have medical issues that slow down my progress and am trying to live in the day. Your sharing truly helps. Thanks again. ...Tonih

I agree very much with Elysiums post. I think the first step is to go to your doctor and get a complete physical and tell him how you feel emotionally. Tell him about the menopause and see if hormone replacement is right for you. Get a clearance from him for exercising and start a gradual exercise program. Perhaps your doctor can also point in the direction of support groups(legal support also) appropriate for your situation. I agree with Elysium that your daughter doesn't want to see you wither away. The 1st step is go to your doctor - eating right and exercising can make a world of difference. Good luck