[embracinglife]

Well, I'm still working on getting through these last two weeks of lots of papers and tests for the end of my classes this semester, but I thought I'd give a post about something else that has been on my mind lately and is a pretty big stressor in my life right now, being in college.

Well, almost 2 years ago I decided to completely stop drinking alcohol. It was a decision that I really wanted to make and stick to and had pretty strong convictions about. I don't think I necessarily thought it through really hard before doing it, and might have been in denial a bit about how hard it was going to be. But, what I did must have worked somewhat because I have been sober for almost 2 years now. I just stopped cold turkey and made the decision that I was going to stick with it. Most of my friends drink, except for a very small select few, none of whom live very close to me, so they aren't people that I see on a daily basis. And being that I'm in college and over 21, most social functions with people getting together involve alcohol. I try to avoid these situations because I don't really like being around alcohol anymore, and I also do it as a method to prevent me from drinking, because I worry that if my friends pressure me enough I might be tempted again. I sometimes go to a party that a friend is having where I know that people will be drinking, but this is only if I feel that I won't be compromised, at least at the beginning, if people are focusing more on socializing and food before it shifts to getting wasted or something like that.

It's been pretty hard, especially since I'm struggling with depression pretty bad, and I know that social support would be a really good thing for me during these times that I'm going through. I still have some friends that I know are there for me, but I feel awkward because the fact that I don't drink means that I don't really have much other opportunities to spend quality time with them. I still have trouble trusting and getting close to people, but I really want to get better at it, and make an effort to improve some of my friendships.

Anyone have any ideas for me? I guess ideally I would like to be able to meet more people that don't drink, AA might be one option, but at the same time I just want more friends my age that I can relate to more, and I don't know that I was necessarily an alcoholic before, even though I may have had some of those tendencies. On the other hand, I think it would be fine to have friends that do drink, since it is quite hard to find people that don't, but I just need to figure out how to make the friendships work better since I know that I am committed to not drinking. How to I try to be open about it with my friends and ask for their support for me in this decision, even if they themselves don't chose to abstain from alcohol? Anyone have any experience in a similar type of situation as this?

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by graciemi

Well, I'm still working on getting through these last two weeks of lots of papers and tests for the end of my classes this semester, but I thought I'd give a post about something else that has been on my mind lately and is a pretty big stressor in my life right now, being in college.

Well, almost 2 years ago I decided to completely stop drinking alcohol. It was a decision that I really wanted to make and stick to and had pretty strong convictions about. I don't think I necessarily thought it through really hard before doing it, and might have been in denial a bit about how hard it was going to be. But, what I did must have worked somewhat because I have been sober for almost 2 years now. I just stopped cold turkey and made the decision that I was going to stick with it. Most of my friends drink, except for a very small select few, none of whom live very close to me, so they aren't people that I see on a daily basis. And being that I'm in college and over 21, most social functions with people getting together involve alcohol. I try to avoid these situations because I don't really like being around alcohol anymore, and I also do it as a method to prevent me from drinking, because I worry that if my friends pressure me enough I might be tempted again. I sometimes go to a party that a friend is having where I know that people will be drinking, but this is only if I feel that I won't be compromised, at least at the beginning, if people are focusing more on socializing and food before it shifts to getting wasted or something like that.

It's been pretty hard, especially since I'm struggling with depression pretty bad, and I know that social support would be a really good thing for me during these times that I'm going through. I still have some friends that I know are there for me, but I feel awkward because the fact that I don't drink means that I don't really have much other opportunities to spend quality time with them. I still have trouble trusting and getting close to people, but I really want to get better at it, and make an effort to improve some of my friendships.

Anyone have any ideas for me? I guess ideally I would like to be able to meet more people that don't drink, AA might be one option, but at the same time I just want more friends my age that I can relate to more, and I don't know that I was necessarily an alcoholic before, even though I may have had some of those tendencies. On the other hand, I think it would be fine to have friends that do drink, since it is quite hard to find people that don't, but I just need to figure out how to make the friendships work better since I know that I am committed to not drinking. How to I try to be open about it with my friends and ask for their support for me in this decision, even if they themselves don't chose to abstain from alcohol? Anyone have any experience in a similar type of situation as this?

Hello. I have that same problem. You ask how do yo try to be open about asking for support? Just do it. You would be suprised at how many people will be supportive and not tempt you with alchohol. If they are your true friends they will respct the fact you are sober and intend to stay that way. Good luck

[justfloating]

Hi graciemi,

My dad quit drinking cold turkey shortly before I was born. He was not an alcoholic either but it does run in his family, and he lost a friend in an alcohol-related accident that I think had a really profound effect on him. Anyway, he has not had a drink in over 20 years, and he still gets the occasional ribbing and pressure from people to "just have one." I think that it takes a LOT of strength to abstain from alcohol. While I do drink alcohol, I don't drink it in excess and my dad has given me a lot of tips for when I don't want to drink:

1. Offer to be the designated driver. When your friends are depending on you to stay sober they're not going to pressure you -- in fact, they're going to be grateful!
2. When you're at a restaurant, a discreet way to refuse alcohol with your meal is to turn your wine class upside down. It signals to the waiter that you don't want anything without drawing attention to the fact that you're not drinking. In most places they will simply take the glass away without a word.
3. Why not arrange non-alcoholic get-togethers with your friends? Movie nights, going bowling/shopping/to see a show, going for coffee, going for lunch (some people may still have a drink with their meal but at lunchtime nobody will "question" it if you don't).
4. There are usually a lot of non-alcoholic events on campus that you can check out. There are a lot of society meetings that don't involve alcohol (in my case, the French society meets for regular "coffee and conversation" mornings). I'm not sure what the mood is like on your campus, but here we're very respectful of anyone who doesn't want to drink. Most people are a lot more open to not drinking, especially if they understand it's a personal choice and you're not going to preach to them about it.
5. I know you've heard "just say no" before, but it's really about HOW you say no. Stand your ground. My dad always taught me a "three strikes" rule. The first time he's offered a drink, he politely declines. The second time, he declines again and says he doesn't drink. After the third time, he walks away. Be secure in the fact that you don't want to drink. You don't owe any explanations to anyone else -- you know what's good for you and if they can't respect that, you don't need to be bothered spending time with them.

I hope this helps. From experience there are more people out there who WON'T have a problem with your sobriety than people who will. Being able to have fun without alcohol will eventually open you up to MORE friendships. That's what's happened for me in the past. You'd be surprised at the number of people who are made uncomfortable by alcohol and will be grateful that you don't mind hanging out without it.

[Rohag]

Hi, Graciemi!

Special thanks to Justfloating for posting her father's non-drinking tips!

No advice, but I feel you are doing the right thing for yourself despite its difficulty.

You have raised an issue that may not end with your college years.

In hindsight, even before depression struck, my "drinking problem" was not being a drinker. A lot of socializing is built around alcohol, and my non-participation was isolating. Later on, in professional life, not being comfortable around alcohol proved to be a career impairment.

I am not suggesting you develop a tolerance for alcohol for the sake of socializing. I am suggesting you strategize with a large horizon in view, one that goes beyond your current circumstances. Your success in this effort will encourage many others.

[tonih]

I don't drink thanks to a bad pancreas and a simple personal choice. I have friends who drink and some who don't. I simply don't make an issue of it. It is a choice and that is that. Your friends will be your friends, drinkers or not. You do what is right for you. the rest falls in to place. good choice, by the way!

[idontknow13]

As an older person who quit drinking quite a while back, I know that a lot of people dont drink and for a lot of different reasons, today it is much easier to go out and not drink.
If you ever feel the need to go to AA, you will find a lot of young wonderful people who are having a great time living it up without alcohol or drugs. I went to AA at 18 years of age 35 years ago and back then I was the odd one...after a while I thought I could not be an alcoholic, one of the reasons being that older people told me I had not drank enough....I proceeded to go back out for another 25 years and all I can say is I wasted a lot of years...The thinking has since changed and it has saved a lot of lives from being ruined.
Do what is right for you and Justfloating's post has great ideas.
Be good to yourself

[embracinglife]

thanks guys for the advice and support. I loved justfloating's advice, about what father does that was great. and yeah, I do think I probably should start being more open about it with my friends, ask for their support, and see what they say. It's worth a shot I think, in order to preserve some of those friendships and stay sober !! looking forward to it like another challenge