[romanjames2004]

Time.

I'm thinking that I might be a little too philosophical for this one but do you guys ever really think about time and parts of your life. I find my self lying in my bed listening to a song from May of 2004. My 8thgrade graduation. A great time in my life where things where going soo well for me. I was graduating and all my friends where soo happy... 5 years later and I lay here wondering what happend to that time. Almost in teers, I start listening to a song that make me think about those memories in my life I wish I could go back to. I feel sad that some times there is unfinished business that I never was able to fix, or I messed somehting up and that I will never see that time in my life again. I mean the thought usually gives me panic attacks.

When I see the movie Titanic, like everyone else, I star crying. Yes, I am a guy,but don't forget that depression gets the worst in all of us. whilke watching the movie, I dont start balling at the part where jack sinks to his never ending peacefull slumber into the ice cold abyss below him, I start to cry when the older version of Rose dreams and walks again on the ship where she sees every one in the form that they were in back in 1912. I realize that the reason why I cry at this particular moment in the long movie is ecasue I feel that I will never see a time in my life that I really like again. Its sort of like the moment dies and you never see it again.

I know that this probably depressed everyone out of thier mind but I was just wonder inf if stuff like this every happens to you. Do you sit and wonder where life has gon? Do you listen to a song and wish you could relive that time of your life over and over again? Am I going through a waaay early quarter life crisis or am I just too much of a thinker?

Anyways, when I type I type. I hope I didn't bpre you with my thought but I was just wondering if this is common for people with depression to think about.

Thanks' for reading.

Roman.

Maudlin often takes its cue from melancholy. Determine to make a fond memory for yourself today. Good luck.

[Blue Krik]

I think the poster above is perfectly right. You need to start creating new memories, starting today.

However.
That's easier said than done. It's my second year since I've been diagnosed with depression and over-thinking is one of my regular activities. It's going so far that I sometimes fail to fall asleep for 4 or 5 hours after I've gone to bed, just because I think about...well, just about everything except for world peace. My therapist says it's a defense mechanism, because I'm thinking about random stuff rather than actually trying to fix things in my life. It'll start with stuff I have to do tomorrow, for example, and it'll go to stuff I didn't do yesterday, then last year, then I think about the wrong decisions I've made throughout my life, from there I switch to blaming my parents for those decisions and I'll end up wanting life to be over because clearly it's too much. In my head, anyway. Sometimes I wonder how come my brain is still up there, normally I would've thought it exploded by now.

I usually don't need songs or anything to trigger my thinking about the past. I always think about what I could've done and I know it's wrong. We should all be thinking about what we can do now to change something in our lives that's obviously not working, but realizing it takes a lot of time. I should know, because I've taken my freaking time. And still, even after I realized, I'm still taking my time. Why? I think it's because I'm scared of taking more wrong decisions, so I just "think" about them.

It's not too philosophical. But you have to stop thinking and start doing, because time goes by fast, not slow. One minute, you're at your 8th grade graduation and the next...you're thinking about what in the world happened in the last 5 years. It's normal to feel sad about things you didn't do or finish, but regrets keep you behind. And life is too short for that.

Good luck.

[stefano]

Yeah, definitely!
When I hit my head against some crap pile my life is crowded with, I always ask to myself "how could I end up like this?" I had chances to live better, but I let them go. So I groom about it "how could it happen that I became what I wanted NOT to be". Add that for me it is not 5 years but 20 years later, and you get the point.
Yes, I do have songs that remind me about times when all the chances were intact. And I have new sad ones (hell, I wish self pity was not THAT creative )

Now, coming to Titanic, the love story dind't strike me at all. I was overwhelmed with the anguish all the people surely suffered knowing they were doomed, anticipating the drowning. And the feeling of being trapped in a corner, in a dead end, with water climbing at your ankles...
Well, that was a great movie, and I will NEVER see it again

Every day is a new start. I don't believe an ounce of it. But let's watch more comedies

[romanjames2004]

Thanks for all the advice guys. I kinda needed it. It always helps to hear it from you.

Thanks

Roman

[lonegael]

Good to hear from you again, Roman. I used to argue with a former boyfirend who used to listen to Bruce Springsteins "Glory days " and get himself totally unhappy, because he totally bought into the idea that it's all over after highschool. I used to say if those were my glory days, then I was in big trouble.
I kind of think I've hit them now, Roman. I'm still bipolar and there is a lot in my life that has gone upside down, but BLAST IT! Life's not done with me until I am done with IT. when that will be, no time soon. Got too much to do and not enough time to do it. Anyway, hope this helps, kind of . Take good care of yourself. Huggs

[stephiifaye92]

Oh yes...I am the same way. Oh god...every time I hear "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" or "Lips of An Angel" I want to curl up into a little ball and become dust and just blow away in the wind. They remind me of someone I have not been able to get over for four years now...and they still love me too. But hes 4 years older than me, and I'm still 17 so, its been killing me. And these things make me go back in time in my head...its so hard...but it happens all of the time. It is actually the very core of my depression and the severity of it.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Roman))))

Thank you for your post and I think it was a very good question. So many times a song will play and I will think back to past times. I wish that they were good thoughts but I have to admit there really is none. So for me I mourn the loss of a childhood that never was.

And sometimes I hear something and it will take me back to days when I wish I would have done something to help myself. Like tell someone or get help or something. Other times I hear something and wonder why?

I am now starting to create something good to remember when I hear a song. I can connect it to a here time that is safe. That is what I choose to think on. When a song from the past comes on, I tend to leave myself for the moment.

Thank you again for the post. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps