disapointed

Berries · Dec 10, 2009, 01:08 PM

Someone from my support group asked me out for coffee. I was so hopeful that we'd “click”.

But we did not.

First of all, my social phobia kicked in. I was very uncomfortable, awkward and stilted.

Second of all, I just plain did not feel like we “clicked”—nothing a lot in common and she told lots of stories where she failed or had been fired but always blamed someone else.

No one else has ever asked me to do something.

Will I ever get a chance again? Will I ever "click" with anyone? Will I ever feel comfortable with irl people?

Am i just hopeless and destined to be alone?

gimmeice · Dec 10, 2009, 01:16 PM

(((((((((((((( berries )))))))))))))))))

Nobody is ever hopeless, there is always a chance to grow. I think it's great that you agreed to go out for coffee with her, I know it didn't work out like you had hoped but don't forget that for someone with social phobia going out for coffee can be a big step.
Another thing that I wanted to mention is that when I first met one of my closest friends, it seemed to me that we had nothing in common and I actually didn't like her much but with time we have become rather close. Try to be patient and kind to yourself, you are trying which is a good thing.

lynn P. · Dec 10, 2009, 01:27 PM

Actually that shows alot of courage to go out for coffee with someone from the group. It's okay if you didn't 'click' - just chalk it up to an experience and don't judge it good or bad. Just see it for what it really was - coffee with a member of your group, instead of it representing failure and worrying if you'll ever find a friend. That's a good thing you did Berries - good for you!!

Rohag · Dec 10, 2009, 01:57 PM

Hi, Berries! Observations:

"Someone from my support group asked me out for coffee." Someone from your support group not only saw something attractive in you, that someone had the personality and/or courage to ask you out. How many others find something to attract them to you but do not (yet) have the courage to ask? The fact one person saw something in you they liked is an indicator there are others.

"...my social phobia kicked in." You had the courage to respond to the invitation despite knowing this could happen - brava! I wonder what may have triggered the social phobia: the person, the setting, the day, the time, other people in the scene, the weather, the coffee, sun glare, ambient sounds or noises, etc.?

"...I just plain did not feel like we “clicked”—nothing a lot in common and she told lots of stories where she failed or had been fired but always blamed someone else." Congratulations - you were focused enough to know you didn't click (at least at that time) and were paying attention to the point of being able to summarize what she said! And you did all that despite feeling uncomfortable - impressive!

"Am i just hopeless and destined to be alone?" Biased observer here - you're too caring and charming to be either "hopeless" or "destined to be alone." Trying to set aside my bias, I would say you have far too little data from which to draw such conclusions.

((((((( Berries! )))))))

tonih · Dec 10, 2009, 05:41 PM

hopeless? certainly not! Kudos for the courage, strength, and will to meet with this person. Be proud and think of all the obstacles you overcame to meet with her. Way to go! blessings

Fuzzybear · Dec 10, 2009, 06:10 PM

(((((((((((((( Berries )))))))))))))))

Naturefreak · Dec 10, 2009, 08:04 PM

BERRIES

turquoisesea · Dec 10, 2009, 11:07 PM

((((Berries)))))

congratulations on getting a coffee date! It might take time for a friendship to click. Be willing to give it that time, and be willing to try again with someone else who might click better

lonegael · Dec 11, 2009, 06:41 AM

They all said it better than I could. So proud of you Berries, I can hardly type it! Give it time. You are doing great, sounds to me! HUUUUGGGGGGS, if that's OK.

Berries · Dec 11, 2009, 10:26 AM

Thank you to everyone who replied.

After reading your replies and talking with my T, I realize that what happened was a success.

First, I accepted her invitation.
Second, I showed up.
Third, however awkward and stilted, I did carry on a conversation.
Fourth, I was able to spot some red flags about her. My T confirmed them and said I probably shouldn't actively pursue the friendship, but that that is OK.

Realizing all this makes me feel proud of myself.