Falling Apart

I don't know how things can get bad so quickly, but I'm falling apart. Both physically and mentally, and it's so painful. I just got back from visiting my family, but that didn't fix the hole that I have. Now that I'm back home, the hole is growing rapidly. I don't think there is anything that can fix it.

I am at the point where I've decided to stop all treatment. No more medication, no more group therapy and no more individual therapy. Really, what is the point of it all? If it were working I would continue, but I still feel like **** and always feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. My emotions are all over the board from feeling hostile to depressed.

Is it the time of year or just time for me? Not meaning I'm going to kill myself, but maybe time for me to just die. I have given up on God and will now start praying to the devil.

Sorry for the rant.

((((((Gingerkat)))))))

I know how you feel, somtimes it just grabs you with both hands and it wont let go.

Im in a similar position at the moment and dont have any advice, but Im sending you

If you go off your meds suddenly, you will experence bad side effects. You think you feel bad now...I would also work with my pdoc to get you on some new meds that do work. As far as changing who you pray to, that is your decision, but if you have little ones at home, please keep them safely away. If you ever wonder why I warn you about this, read throuh the LITTLES section on the forum.

Thank you for the rant, Gingerkat! If things aren't working, you have every right - even the responsibility - to inform your caregivers. It's their job to serve you, not yours to "please" them.
You would be justified in taking that paragraph (and anything else you'd like to add), printing it out in a large font and placing it right in front of every doctor and therapist working with you. Let them know you are dissatisfied. Engage them politely but firmly. (Rats, I've gone to giving advice; I don't like to give advice.)

With that, I of course agree you need to be careful withdrawing from meds. Your caretakers should walk you through the process if that's your informed decision.

You have sought help. You deserve the most effective help available.

I know I am not in your shoes, so it is, as others have said, hard to give advice, but I agree with Rohag, and I also would keep going if not for help in feeling better than to make sure that there is someone other than yourself who knows that things are getting worse. Isolation is a killer in this disease. As to the devil....

Maybe when things are feeling so bad, and you feel so cut off from peole and God, it might be a good idea just to leave off of pushing the prayer at all right now. Just let that be. I know for sure that the Devil isn't interested in your wellbeing any more than depression is.
Thats's all hon, I'm so sorry things have gotten so bad so fast. Nucking Futz is also right, and going off the meds can make things that much worse. hang in there and I kn ow it's hard to nag caregivers at this time but plese try to do it. You need their help and they don't seem to have realized you are doing so badly. Huugggggssss and prayers, dear Gingercat!!!