[susierose]

im so low, cant pick myself up, don't think i want to, So fed up being what everyone wants me to be...fed up having to pretend. I am struggling to hide my feelings from my son who is 12, he said the other day i am so depressing. I hate myself for everything. despair is my name! despair is my life. I am feeling more and more angry....after years of repressing it. I am .....angry..scared...tearful...numb...disconnected...confused... bing eating...fat (16 stone)...i could go on but i wont.

Make the call. Ask your doctor (or call a psychiatrist yourself) for a referral to professionals to help you.

You are a valuable person who is entitled to a better life. Good luck.

[susierose]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Make the call. Ask your doctor (or call a psychiatrist yourself) for a referral to professionals to help you.

You are a valuable person who is entitled to a better life. Good luck.

I have a T but cant go till the 4th Jan. I have diagnoses as long as my arm, Thinks thats why im so bad atm because i only stated T in July this year after a break down.

[BeautifullyMistaken]

Are you on medication as well? They might help. If you have been taking medication and it's not helping, let them know so they can make adjustments.

[susierose]

Originally Posted by BeautifullyMistaken

Are you on medication as well? They might help. If you have been taking medication and it's not helping, let them know so they can make adjustments.

I am on 20mg of citalopram.

[BeautifullyMistaken]

Originally Posted by susierose

I am on 20mg of citalopram.

If you've been taking it more than 6 weeks or so and it isn't helping, talk to whomever prescribed them to you and explain it isn't helping. My doc told me that anti-depressants take generally 4 weeks or so to make you start feeling a little better. They may be able to up your dosage or prescribe you with something else. 20mg isn't very much. I'm currently in the first week or so of taking 25mg, then gotta up my dosage to 50mg a day. So I would tell you if I see a difference, but can't speak much on that since I'm just beginning. Hope you can get it straightened up though.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by susierose

So fed up being what everyone wants me to be...fed up having to pretend.

That's a burden. Eventually it becomes too great to bear; something will change. May you have the help, opportunity and strength to control the change.

[Naturefreak]

Susierose

[justfloating]

((((((((susierose)))))))))

I agree with BeautifullyMistaken -- it may be that you need to have your medication upped, or even changed. There are a wide range of meds and dosages out there and sometimes it takes a little trial and error to find one that works for you. It might be that you just aren't on enough of the citalopram -- 20mg isn't very much. I myself am currently on 225mg of venlafaxine (to give you an indication of how high the dosages sometimes have to go) and have an appointment to look into adjusting them again in January. Anyway, if you've been on the citalopram for a while, it might not hurt to get in touch with your doctor and see about an adjustment.

Also, I just wanted to add that I think it's really great that you're trying to keep your depression away from your son. I know that you don't want to worry, upset or burden him. But repressing your feelings too much is probably going to make them worse, in the long run. Have you discussed your illness with him at all? Kids are a lot more perceptive than we give them credit for, and he can probably sense that something is wrong. Explaining that you're ill might help take some of the pressure off of you to perform the "I'm fine" act 24/7, as well as to give him a reason for anything he may have noticed about your moods recently.

Hope this helps. Sending lots of hugs to help you through.

[lonegael]

(((((Susie Rose))))))) I found that it helps a lot to just explain to kids that my moods are a symptom of my nt feeling well inside because of my psychiatric problems. You don't have to get all iinvolved with chemical imbalances and all that, but being as straightforward as possible helps kids feel more secure. My son is aware that I can get Wacky and it isn't his problem.
Good luck with your T and I agree with Beautifully mistaken and Just floating. You might well have to readjust your meds. It can take a while until they get the right dosage or mix.
Huggs!