[jjd5010]

For my entire life i've had depression and anxiety along with other problems. My mother was intrusive and abusive to me and my father was around but neglectful. I went through school with 0 friends until senior year when i started drinking. after i started drinking i made like 100 friends from parties n such. I kept the friendships until i went to college, when i started to experience panic disorder. I had horrible crying spells and thought blockage. i was miserable. this was the start of hell for me. i ended up taking time off school and after i started using drugs all of the people that i thought loved me stopped talking to me. If they loved me wouldnt they stick with me through thick and thin? This furthered my belief that nobody loves me. I started shooting heroin and was with a 32 year old women that had 3 children who was also a junkie. I lived with her for months and it was also a dysfunctional relationship. I ended up going to rehab and getting into recovery and I now have no friends at the age of 21 and I dont even have a degree. I moved back into my parents after I got out of rehab and I met a girl. Turns out I had a bipolar manic phase in front of her and she got scared off. she wont talk to me or anything. i loved this girl more than anything in the world i would die for her. it's new years eve and instead of going with her to the club im sitting in my room drinking goldschlager crying. Haven't i suffered enough? I give up. i will no longer trust people and i will no longer love anyone for the rest of my life. im tired of pain. all i feel is pain. every day, all day. I'm on zoloft, anafranil, and seroquel. I've tried like 30 different combinations of antipsychotics and antidepressants (along with anti-anxieties). therapy wont help. nothing helps. im unfixable. I dont know what to do i need help. im dying inside. please help. PLEASE. PLEASE. I HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH... PLEASE

Originally Posted by jjd5010

For my entire life i've had depression and anxiety along with other problems. My mother was intrusive and abusive to me and my father was around but neglectful. I went through school with 0 friends until senior year when i started drinking. after i started drinking i made like 100 friends from parties n such. I kept the friendships until i went to college, when i started to experience panic disorder. I had horrible crying spells and thought blockage. i was miserable. this was the start of hell for me. i ended up taking time off school and after i started using drugs all of the people that i thought loved me stopped talking to me. If they loved me wouldnt they stick with me through thick and thin? This furthered my belief that nobody loves me. I started shooting heroin and was with a 32 year old women that had 3 children who was also a junkie. I lived with her for months and it was also a dysfunctional relationship. I ended up going to rehab and getting into recovery and I now have no friends at the age of 21 and I dont even have a degree. I moved back into my parents after I got out of rehab and I met a girl. Turns out I had a bipolar manic phase in front of her and she got scared off. she wont talk to me or anything. i loved this girl more than anything in the world i would die for her. it's new years eve and instead of going with her to the club im sitting in my room drinking goldschlager crying. Haven't i suffered enough? I give up. i will no longer trust people and i will no longer love anyone for the rest of my life. im tired of pain. all i feel is pain. every day, all day. I'm on zoloft, anafranil, and seroquel. I've tried like 30 different combinations of antipsychotics and antidepressants (along with anti-anxieties). therapy wont help. nothing helps. im unfixable. I dont know what to do i need help. im dying inside. please help. PLEASE. PLEASE. I HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH... PLEASE

bro, i've been through similar problems like yours, but im not on medications / therapy, & i never go to rehab. im a drinker too, i've tried a few kind of drugs, dont have much friends back in school, i still hate schools now, dont have many friends either nowadays. i always think that i am dead inside, this depression is killing me slowly. i can only give you a support, dont give up, im still struggling myself to be a better man, it is hard, it wont happen in a day. keep strong!

[lonegael]

Hi! Welcome. Sorry to here what a lousy deck you got dealt. I noticed that you seem to have gotten clean from all the street drugs and wondered how the drinking is. One of the things that i found with this disorder is that until certain stuff gets solved (and I'm not saying that drug use is your key log) the meds can only do so much. In my case it was getting a handle on the anxiety and stress management. A lot of times, folks I know who drink or do drugs have a lot of anxiety and stress issues that make handling the mood swings difficult, meds or no. They've kind of had to relearn how to manage regular emotions and stress from the beginning. Maybe there is some kind of stress management group that can help? It's just a though, so you can take it or leave it. Glad you posted, I'm sure there are lots out there who have had to ahndle the same stuff dear. Let us know how it goes! Huggs

[Rohag]

Hi, Jjd5010! Just a thought: even as you have gone through drug rehab, you may need to go through parental rehab. To increase the chances of your feeling better, a supportive environment other than your parents' home might be helpful.

My fear is therapy and meds can't do their job properly while you are surrounded by the ghosts of the past. Is there anyone among your caretakers/doctors whom you could tell what you've told us and approach with the question of getting out of your current environment?

[justfloating]

hi, welcome to PC

I agree with Rohag ... sometimes we can't deal with our mental and emotional problems until we're out of or deal with the environment that trigger them. While my parents were not abusive or neglectful, they were (and can still be) very controlling, nagging, stress-inducing and pressuring. I felt like I was constantly under their thumb, even though I lived an entire ocean away from them. On top of that, I had a very unhealthy relationship going on at the same time, and it was so toxic that no matter what kind of progress I made with my depression, I would always get pulled back down. It took realizing what was triggering my depression and then dealing with it by standing up for myself and cutting ties in that particular unhealthy relationship before I started feeling the benefits of my meds and therapy. My situation is nothing like yours but I just wanted to illustrate that mood disorders can be as situational as they are psychological. Maybe if you tackle the situation you're in, you'll start to feel the psychological benefits.

Good luck, and keep us posted on how you're doing.