[Berries]

I feel so sad. Is this going to be the tone for the New Year? I was doing so well. I thought it would last forever. But it didn’t.
It’s like I am cursed to always have happiness taken away.
My thoughts say I should suffer. They say to stop my meds. They say I’ve ruined my life. They tell me what could have been, if I hadn’t blown it by faking a mental illness. They tell me I deserve to suffer and die alone. My thoughts keep telling me this over and over. They haunt me. They pull me down, down, down.
Why can’t I have normal thoughts? Why can’t I be positive? Why can’t I be an inspiration instead of a loser? Why can't I have normal adult goings on in my life?
It’s my life and I only get one chance and I really have blown it.

[pegasus]

No, you haven't blown it ((((((((( Berries ))))))))

From time to time we get these really yucky 'tapes' that say all sorts of horrible things to us. Don't listen to those tapes, you are doing the best you can and no you definately don't deserve to suffer. You are not a loser, but a 'winner' in my eyes.

[perpetuallysad]

Berries, oh dearest. I promise you that you are not making things up. Its the illness filling your head with self-destructive thoughts. I think I've mentioned it to you before, but I do the exact same thing myself, so I completely understand. You do not deserve to suffer of die. You are worth far more than you give yourself credit for. I read on here and you are so kind and supportive of other people. You deserve happiness and good things.

Its funny, like my signature says, I've found that I can be exceptionally astute and kind to other people, I can give fantastic and logical advice about dealing with an assortment of problems, but for myself, its like I am excluded. I don't count or the rules are different for me. Seems like you feel the same way. So from one person who denies their worth to another, I promise you are worthy.

[lonegael]

Berries, hon, the fact that you get these thoughts in this way is proof that you are NOT faking it. You have NOT blown anything, you have played the cards dealt to you the best way it seemed. DO NOT let any part of yourself bad mouth you like that (Although Ii know it is not a matter of letting, i can't better describe my feelings right now). PLEase try to believe us, whatever is feeding you this is not interested in you or what is best for you. We are. Huggs, Berries, and hwhat I have to say to that voice is not for polite ears...

[googley]

((((((Berries))))))
Those thoughts are lying to you. You are a wonderful caring person who deserves all the best that life has to offer. This is the depression talking. It is trying to drag you down. Don't believe what it says.

[lynn P.]

I agree with the Googley - this is your depression talking and you don't have to believe it. Try to take some deep breaths. I hope you feel better Berries

[Fuzzybear]

growls at the yucky tapes

You're a wonderful caring person ((((((((((((((( Berries )))))))))))))))

[Rohag]

Berries vs. "Berries"

Berries is the wonderful person I know through PsychCentral. This other "Berries," the phantom creation of Berries' accusing thoughts, I do not know.

Last year I followed your inspiring - yes, inspiring - adventure of being a kind of test subject for your reevaluation. You even allowed yourself to be interviewed before an audience. Your courage contributed to the education of many who will go out to try to help others.

The Berries I know is often sad, and yet shines as a Bright One.

PS: "Normal adult goings on" are overrated.

[Naturefreak]

((Berries))
I told you many months ago , I wish I was faking it. Then I could turn it off when I wanted to . This is NOT possible . I have feelings of guilt sometimes , as if I'm not really ill , this is just something I'm making up. Oh how I wish that was true.
You are a winner and wonderful and caring and the Bright One and all of this is TRUE.

[lonegael]

Agreed with Rohag and Babysteps. I wish I could gently lift you out of all the torments that biology and experience have foisted on you and set you down where all could see and honor you for you courage and your persistance. If there were more like you, this world would be different, definitely fo the better. Huggs

Let's look logically here.

"I've blown it." What is the evidence? What exactly have you "blown"?

What good would come of suffering? Who actually deserves it? What have you done that would be so wicked you deserve to suffer, when even inmates on death row have human rights?

Who ever said you only get one chance in life? Every day is a new chance.

Finally, what are "normal" adult goings-on? Who gets to define what's "normal?"

I don't see someone who has "blown it." I see someone who is having an inner voice lie to her.