somebody out there?

ok. this is going to sound ridiculous to probably most of you but maybe there's someone who can relate. if so, please could you write me just a few words. i feel so alone. i'm a divorced single mom, living in public housing, no money, going to college. my boy wanted to have a friend over with his mom and younger sister. i agreed but i really don't want to. they're coming in a few hours, later this morning. i'm a nervous wreck. they're a "christian" family. so many "christians" have turned their back on me, judging me for leaving my ex. they have no idea. too much to go into detail now. this woman is married, nice big house lots of land, stays at home. i feel like i'm going all the time always trying to catch up. doing lots with my boys--take them to beach, etc. activities that they enjoy. i want their life to be as happy as possible even though their home has been split. and they are very happy boys. the reason for my anxiety is that i don't want what adults judge me for to affect my boys. i want his friend to be able to come over again. i love my boys so much. i'm afraid their mom will frown on me too. i have so much to clean before she gets here, laundry, boy's breakfast, no place to organize toys. i was in the middle of putting together cheap metal shelves for boys' closets. none of us have beds, only mattresses on the floor, no livingroom couch. i don't want to embarrass my son or have his friend make fun of him. anyone have any words?

Hope it goes well, try to appear relaxed and if she asks questions tell her. Be kind as you possible can with the child and be sure to have a snack ready. I hope it goes well for you. Take care.

((((((((((((((((((((((((Catgirl))))))))))))))))))))))))

I have been in your shoes. You have nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, be proud of yourself. You have the most difficult job in the world. Being a single mom, working and school. Wow. You Rock. Without getting to much into religion (as it is against community guidelines) a true Christian should never judge another for what they do or dont have. That is all I can say on that matter.
As far as you being embarressed or your son being embarressed of you. I dont think that he is. The fact that he wants his friend to come over indicates to me that he is very comfortable with his surroundings. Keeping up with the "Jones's".......Been there done that also. In the end, the bottom line is, material possesions dont mean a thing. Strong family and love is the most important thing to teach your child.

Your a wonderful mother. Doing so much with yourself. Be proud. Hold your head high sweety. Your doing GREAT!!!!!

thanks for the encouragement. sorry about mentioning a religious group. i have nothing against them being of that particular belief. i've only been hurt by "friends". i didn't mean to breech rules and won't do it again. i'll write an update after our company has left. thank you again.

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It's ok. I know what you mean about being judged. I was just mentioning the "religion rule" just so you are aware. I am sorry if I came across agressive, not my intensions. Please accept my apology if I offended you. I am sorry. Please do keep us posted about today. And again, relax, breathe and you will be just fine. I promise .

Take care.

(((((((((((((((((((catgirl)))))))))))))))))))))) i respect you so much and i don't even know you. you're amazing! we have been judged so much that we fear ppl coming to our home and getting close to us in life. i so understand.

can i say something that has helped me? i KNOW that i have broken cycles. i KNOW that i'm a good mother. i KNOW the rest is secondary...like the couch and shelves. sweetie, you can lay your head down at night with a wonderfully free conscience. what a blessing! try to concentrate on that! the woman living in the big house may not be able to do that...

you're an amazing gift to those boys. does it get any better?

with respect,

kd

My take on this, if a person can't accept you for you, they are not worth it.
I admire you for all that you are doing for the sake of love for your children.
My grandmother who is now 95 and has her wit still, divorced my 1st grandfather (I never knew him) to stay away from his abuse to her and her daughters,one being mine.
She had to survive and take care of her children, the man was an alcoholic, nice when sober but a monster when not.
Back in ther early 20's society frowned at a woman being divorced, even if there was abuse involved.
Grandma stood up to this, traveled to the city everyday to work in a sweat shop sewing shirts.
Her retired neighbor would watch my mom and aunt.
My great grandmother even was ashamed/embarrassed that my grandmother decided to have the courage to make it in life and no longer be abused. "Grandma, you rock "
It is so ridiculous when society frowns on divorce, would they rather see a woman, and yes ,it could be a man, be abused and also their offspring? So stupid
The tough part, is the way this woman looks at your situation and has no idea of what has taken place in your life, in my eyes (only my opinion) is a phoney.
The other thing that is difficult, is to want your kids to have their friends, and it sounds like they get along well, but have this block between this woman (can't think of the exact wording) which in turn you feel may affect your sons.
It is good if they learn the importance of love, not the material things, and it sounds like your boys already know that.
I wish I could tell you how to handle this situation, but we are all different, I would gradually start to distance myself from her, and in time if it affects the kids friendships, they will eventually find new friends.
Never, ever, feel ashamed of what you may not have, be proud and hold dear of what you do have, and most of all be proud of how you alone are keeping things together and taking care of your sons.
Be sure (and I'm sure you do) to always let the boys know how much you love them, talk with them, hug them daily, if they are old enough, you can let them know you are doing your best, for the love you have for them.
I wish you lots of love and luck with this.
DE


((((((((((((((( catgirl and family )))))))))))

Darkeyes wrote an excellent post, I agree with it all, she stated things perfectly.

I myself am a single Mom. I've been in your shoes, catgirl. No money, mattresses on floor, kids from much more well off families visiting.....and what really counted is that I loved my son, still do, he is now 25, and he is doing fine. He is doing fine even with being raised by a disabled single Mom on public assistance.

Love and relaxation, healthy humor, compassion and truly caring for each other far, far outweigh any material means, any standing in wealthy society. Of course better financial means would have made our lives easier, often things were a struggle, but keeping my eyes on the truth helped immensely.

Big hugs to you and your family. You and your children come first. People in your community should be supportive and admiring, or just keep their mouths shut.

That's right Sarah
Those need to keep in mind that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, they also need to realize this can happen to them some day, or a loved one.

(((((((((((((( catgirl and family ))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((( Sarah ))))))))))))))))))))))

what an amazing day it turned out to be! thank you, everyone, for all the wonderful encouragement and support. jmo, i wasn't offended. i'm a timid sort of person. i was nervous about breaking rules and getting kicked out. i didn't want to anything that would jeopardize this privilege. thanks for being sensitive enough to address it.

my day was a complete surprise. this woman made me feel so comfortable. she plunked herself on the floor like it was natural. later i found out that she grew up in this same public housing, had an abusive mom, etc. towards the end of the day, i ventured out with some of details of my life. her son had actually opened up the topic by asking my son about his step brothers. (we used to live with two other boys they called their stepbrothers) anyway, long story short--she was extremely compassionate rather than judgmental. what a relief! today, she invited us to come bowling. we're going to meet at 4. thanks again guys.

Wow Catgirl im so happy for you and that things turned out well. I hope you have fun bowling today.

max

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That is wonderful. I am so glad is was a good day for you, your son and for your sons friend. That is awesome. Going bowling today. Wonderful. I am wishing you the best for today. Take care Catgirl and please let us know how today went. Take care.

Much love,


Jen

Oh, that is too cool. So pleased that you had a good experience, that the woman you met was a real person rather than someone intent on making others feel badly.

Hi catgirl,

What a moving story and a good outcome!

Well done catgirl.

Cheers, Myzen.

I saw your latest reply, I was so happy to hear that things worked out so nicely, that's great
Please take care and have a nice weekend.

DE