[pulled2ways]

I have a long history of depression; one of my diagnoses is Major Depression: Recurrent. I'm afraid it may be recurring again. I don't want to go as low as previously when I gave up on life.

I stopped my antidepressant meds due to associated weight gain. That was almost 2 months ago. I've been extremely tired, sleeping a lot, with little energy. I've lost a lot of weight and interest in things I usually enjoy. So far, I've been able to force myself to get out of the apartment, but motivation is less & less.

I don't want to go as low as before...the feeling is terrible. I like to think I'd never end up suicidal again, but am afraid I may be headed in that direction. I want help but am afraid to admit how I've been feeling & do not want to take meds that'll only pack on the pounds again (I also struggle w/ an ED).

I've been physically sick recently & my grandma died a few weeks ago. I try to blame my feelings on these 2 things, hoping it'll get better w/ time. But I'm not convinced this will happen.

[Miracle1986]

I am so sorry you are struggling.
Do you have a T you can talk to?

[yutzman]

If you were on meds that you stopped, you must have had a Psych. Is he out of the loop, and if so, why? Stopping meds without observation is very dangerous...and has apparently lead to your current condition. Weight gain can be a side effect of many meds, but there are alot of meds......you just have to find the one that works without the weight gain.....eating disorders themselves are a real problem here....and it may not even BE the meds that are causing you to gain weight....or are you really....or just THINK you are.....you've got to get back into therapy....because you are spiraling down a hole you may not be able to get out.....meds for you are going to be a fact of life for a long time...you have to accept it and seek out ones you are comfortable with.....good luck...Y