|
I'm not really looking for a response to any of this but, I've been trying to confront a lot of things that have happened in my life lately and just needed some sort of outlet. Just to let everything out, when i was younger I witnessed domestic violence in my family, my first memory as a child is having police in my house because my Dad was drunk and threatening my family. The next this is that I have been bulimic for about 5-6 years and am suffering dental damage from this but I'm afraid to go to the dentist because I don't want my family to find out because the severe dental damage is very recent. Next thing is that over the summer I was arrested for a DUI which I was very guilty of and deserve anything that comes my way from a result of that. I haven't been able to tell many people about this because I'm so ashamed, I hate myself for it and I know alot of people hate me for what I did too, I could have potentially hurt someone or something and was fortunate that I didn't. I've had panic attacks while driving especially at night, I don't deserve to have the right to drive. A few months later about a week after I first went away to college my oldest brother died very unexpectedly in a freak accident. Its only been six months since my brother has passed away and its been quite difficult. I should be the dead one, I drove drunk, he should be here and i shouldn't. Something that makes this extra hard is that my brother that passed away was apart of the last domestic abuse incident that occurred in my family. My father came home drunk and started beating him, he was a well build 20 something year old at the time so he could defend himself against my Dad, but my Dad brought out a knife against us and my brother was there defending me, I'll never feel safe again needless to say, not at least in my house. I'm basically a mess of a person and need to talk to a professional but have not been able to bring myself to do so. I just needed an outlet and am coming to terms with all of this stuff that has happened in my life. None of this compares to the loss of my brother which has been the worst part about my life, but I know its not about me. Its about him, its about the people that didn't have the pleasure to meet him, the things he could have done that he can now never do, and the fact that I never truly told him how much I appreciate him. I have nightmares nearly every night, ranging from scenes of the domestic abuse I've been in, the night I was arrested, or losing someone else I love, or seeing what happened the night my brother died.
|
Mar 10, 2010, 12:23 AM
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.
Linear Mode
