[englishteacher]

Went back to MHMR today. I misunderstood during my last visit - honestly, I was barely lucid last visit. I didn't bring my income info, but we guestimated. It would cost me $145 a month to get services from them. If I had an extra $145 a month, I'd just go to a doctor and get my meds. Ironic. This visit made me feel guilty for wanting help when others have so much less than I do. How bad could I have it when I live in a decent, clean home and have what I'm sure many would consider a comfortable life? The poor people I saw there are homeless and a lot of them seem to be disconnected from reality. So what the heck am I whining about?

So...back to square one.

My husband is working on getting me on his insurance, but honestly, that's going to take $150-$200 out of his paycheck, which we also can't afford.

I was feeling better for 24 hours, but now I just want to cry and cry and cry. My skin feels strange...like there's a shaky little vibration just under the skin. I feel hot, cold, hot, cold. It's bad enough that my mind won't cooperate with me, but now my body is revolting as well. I've had a cold for weeks, but this is something else.

[sanityseeker]

(((((((englishteacher))))))))) So sorry you are under so much stress dealing with all of this right now.

Don't entertain any guilt. It is a waste of energy. Yes, there are always people worse off but that is no reason to deny yourself the help you need. Perhaps some of those folks would not be where they are at had they been able to access the meds and services they needed at a better time in their lives. Perhaps witnessing their suffering can be used to reinforce the need to do all you can now to take care of you before it puts you in their shoes.

When you are feeling better perhaps there will be a way for you to become of service to those people worse off than you. There is always a way to turn what you witnessed for good once you are on a better road yourself.

I know the heavy burden of worry and I know the relief of faith. Believe in better days and stay the course of getting the help you need.

[angie2716]

I'm sorry your feeling this way right now! You are just as important as anyone else! Just try to keep yourself going! And we are here for you and I hope things get better for you!

[englishteacher]

I had a crazy thought today - if I leave my husband, I won't have any income...then I might be eligible for help. What a choice....

[sanityseeker]

You wouldn't be the first woman in crisis to think that way. Crazy how the system works. Of course if you have children it won't be so clear cut. Child support comes right off the top. And if he has health insurance through work he may be required to cover you.

The middle class poor is epidemic with no relief in sight. How sad. I know a lot of folks who 'pretend' to be single to get social assistance for 2 singles rather than 1 couple. Of course if and when they get caught they could face jail time. There has to be a better way.

[englishteacher]

jail time doesn't sound so bad right now - a roof over my head, 3 meals a day, cable tv...

We do have kids...it's not really feasible or smart....just a crazy thought

[sanityseeker]

Oh I know what you mean. Believe me.... I have thought of all those things too. I often think, hey, jail would work for me. I never leave the house if I don't have to anyways.

I guess we should be grateful our kids keep us from doing crazy stuff sometimes.