[MtnTime2896]

A friend from my childhood. A friend from before I became this poor excuse of a person.

My friend didn't get it. My friend didn't understand why I could barely function. She just... didn't get it.

She tried to help, in her own way. It's not that I don't appreciate it. It just didn't help. I respect that she has faith, hell, I envy it. I don't anymore. I think that should be respected just the same. I'm not mad. I'm tired. Too tired to fight this point. Too tired to listen to another motivational speech.

How can I care about trivial things when I can't function normally, or even close to it? How can I function if I don't want to live? Nothing helps anymore. No one can save me. Not even me.

Why am I still alive?

[IrisBloom]

You are still alive because you are supposed to be. Find a purpose.

[Misterpain]

Hey the good news is they have decoded the genetic pathways of bipolar MDD & schizophrenia ,now to get medications to address the parts of corrupt DNA is in the works mental illness is not just in our heads it's in our genes .nobody give up there is hope and help coming !

[CF17]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

A friend from my childhood. A friend from before I became this poor excuse of a person.

My friend didn't get it. My friend didn't understand why I could barely function. She just... didn't get it.

She tried to help, in her own way. It's not that I don't appreciate it. It just didn't help. I respect that she has faith, hell, I envy it. I don't anymore. I think that should be respected just the same. I'm not mad. I'm tired. Too tired to fight this point. Too tired to listen to another motivational speech.

How can I care about trivial things when I can't function normally, or even close to it? How can I function if I don't want to live? Nothing helps anymore. No one can save me. Not even me.

Why am I still alive?

Most people will NOT understand you. Don't get discouraged. We are here for you. You are important.

[Fuzzybear]

[MickeyCheeky]

It's understandable you'd be tired. Everyone would be, at this point. But you're still fighting, and that makes you strong. I admire you a lot.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I think you are still alive because some small part of you wants to live. Keep fighting. We never know what's just around the corner. I hope you start feeling better soon. Best wishes.

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

My friend didn't get it. My friend didn't understand why I could barely function. She just... didn't get it.

I respect that she has faith, hell, I envy it. I don't anymore. I think that should be respected just the same.

Why am I still alive?

Most of us are here because we are nonfunctional in some sort of way--though I know your problems are very serious. I hope the help Misterpain speaks of comes soon to you are others who are suffering so much. I am glad you have been posting a little more lately--I care about how you are doing. I am glad you are still here.

One of the things that makes me hold onto my faith is that I have to let go of wanting to control things I can't control. I respect that you don't believe. I have many people in my life who don't and I love and want to be with them just as much. Sometimes I have doubts. We are only human.

Sometimes I think some of us think about things way too much and when you are depressed or have had past trauma ( I know you have had much), we just can't stop ruminating in overdrive. You may never know why you are still alive but I am glad you are.

[Turtle_Rider]

I understand. I told about my real condition only to one childhood friend, my good friend. She's not accept it till now, and try to assure me that I'm OK.

Well, I know you may do not want motivational words. But, I cannot help to not say it. Don't fight it, live with it, accept it. Love yourself.

Hope you will feel better soon!

[MtnTime2896]

I appreciate all of you being here for me, again. I'll admit that I'm not good at receiving all of this positive attention (haven't been my entire life). I think I'm getting better at it.

My fiance talked to me last night and it sort of helped. He doesn't always get it but he always tries.

But, I cannot help to not say it. Don't fight it, live with it, accept it. Love yourself.

Thank you for this. My friend wanted me to fight through it and be 'normal'. She doesn't realize that every time I've tried, it just got me hurt in the end because I couldn't do it.

You may never know why you are still alive but I am glad you are.

Thanks Hoping. I'm trying to hang on. I don't know the exact reason why, but I am. I'm glad you're still here, too.

mental illness is not just in our heads it's in our genes .nobody give up there is hope and help coming !

That's good news, then. My T stays updated on this stuff so I'll look out of it on Wednesday.

Most people will NOT understand you. Don't get discouraged. We are here for you. You are important.

Yeah. I'm starting to understand that. I guess I just miss when she used to. I've changed a lot, though and so has she. I don't know if we can ever reach that understanding again.