THIS MOMENT I FEEL FINE. That's A Good Thing!

Mar 16, 2010, 02:37 AM

I've been on PC, as of late, rarely. I haven't been able to pass the hugs and kind words I'd like to, because I've finally hit a down time.

But, this down time is different. I've been hanging out in bed, lights out. off. Sleeping durning the day is NOT me.

So, I don't sleep. Don't get out of bed until the end of day for shower, stuff. Don't feel like eating, or eat things like M&M's. Great, yeah I know.

There's many reasons for this down time or maybe NOT. It could be that one of my three Sister's, age 47, died Dec 03 2009. Holidays: that bring back memories of pretending that one day that Everything was GREAT! That alone bringing back false memories of my child hood.
I may remain Holidays to It's Trigger Day, hurray!

All year was torment. Told to come here I want to give you a hug instead it was a punch. Except on the HOLIDAYS!!!

No tinsel town here. Can't put tinsel up anyway, cats would eat it.
But, I shocked myself! I a bought a $1.50 tree right after x-mas.

Kinds words and simple things - This in my heart is what joy brings
(The poem is true: Kind & Simple Things, get me through.)

That just popped into my head, so I wrote it. I love when whimsical words just flow.

49 years old. Ever since I was a child I said "I'm not going to live past 40."

I, also said "I'm going to have 2 children, boy first then girl. Never did think about marriage. Wish I'd stuck to that! So, it two God given, children. Son, first on Jan 1st. Then Daughter on Nov 1st.

1-11 & 11-1.

In life I've never been any good with numbers. But, they have been significant in mine. I was born: 10/01, Sister 7/01

This is what has been going on with me for a year or more: True Story!

I am not a clock watcher. No reason to be, I'm mentally diabled and wouldn't go anywhere if I could.

So, the clock. Periodically I'd glance at the clock, or time the computer, the number that I'm posting on like (post #111). Even as far as filling out a form, being the next one ###

I ALWAYS get a sequence of 3 numbers. From once a day to several.
111, comes up a lot and 555.

I did the Bibical number search, but nothing really stood out.

If I realize I haven't gotten any number in a couple of days I think I must be living wrong or something. It's a VERY SPECIAL thing that real happens to me. I'll be on the phone and say "Hey Look at the CLOCK!" Amazing.

I, believe it God gives me this little gift of numbers. When it happens, I'll actually give the clock or whatever a little wink or say "Thanks God".
It's special for me and that's what counts. Makes me feel special.

P.C. has been a major gift for me. There have been a few interactions here or there. But that passes, faster than you can type about it.

I was a memeber long ago. It wasn't the same. It felt negative, to me. I didn't feel that I fit in. I didn't seem to say the right stuff - pharse it, whatever. Anyway, I went away for quite some time.

I came back Feb 2009. I have written, shared, played the games, answered some posts (but, I'm not very good at that - I babble. Though I know what I'm trying to say), tried to be there for anyone if they wanted, though without my own personal self-esteem. I couldn't even help myself.

I give to Others, What I can not give to Myself

Still kind of like that - But.... Not at all the same. I have changed. I have grown. I've felt and seen the differnce in my ideas and feelings toward things.

And, I'm ALWAYS willing to discuss BIPOLAR with who ever needs to!
Swinging & Swirling, Rocking & Rolling, Up like a Rocket & down like a Balloon (they do come down).

Warm and gentle, kind and true, people everywhere like me, like you.

Definitely the life of a Bipolar is not stagnet. LOL, really = !

There are SO MANY awesome people I've met and crossed paths with here in P.C. Forum. The life of being mentally confused. Not the way of life we chose - HERE we are!

Millions of us - AND We Are Okay. This is life, our life. Being here, PC - We are family.

We all have issues! I believe TRUST is probally the biggest one.

We have to TRUST in order to open up to stranger and share.

This place makes my world an okay place. I'm sure it's because I'm not eye to eye, ear to ear, directly feeling the emotions OF BEING with a physical form. This is my Super Cyber World, and I like it and that's just fine. AND, if you don't believe me, just ask me... Smile

I feel good to have just wrote this. Not to anyone specific. I just started clicking those fingers.

Began & Done