[RaineeDoggie]

Is it alright if i tell yall my story? Im just so down, i dont know what to do and have no one to talk to...

Ok, hello, im a 22 yr old lady. had a very interesting but hard life..always. and now i am here..

my boyfriend(4 years) and me never had a great relationship but we always were there for each other, in the physical sense, he wasnt really there emotionally but we almost always lived together. I mean we got together when i moved into his house. finally in Nov of last year i decided to ditch my mom(she held me back for years and made my life hell) for good and come live with my family in OK. I moved into a house my grandma, her boyfriend and my little uncle stay in. I came and had a positive attitude, cleaned up their house, started making friends with my uncles friends..and i kinnda started to fall for one of them, but my boyfriend was coming out in a month so i didnt act on it. For some strange reason i thought when he came out, things would be diff with us. but i was so wrong. he was making me miserable and my feelings for the other guy (Lets call him C) were growing. i would talk to C online and we were good friends to each other. When things started going bad with my and my bf i confessed my feelings to C in hopes it would make me focus more on my Bf..but it did the opposite, C felt the same for me and honestly, we have an amazing connection. even though my and my bf were still living with my family, he wanted to break up, atleast thats what he said.

So one nite i asked C to come over after my now Ex went to work and we would go on a walk, just to talk and no one was supposed to know. but my ex came home on lunch and i wasnt there, somehow i lost track of time(by like 2 hrs!). All me and C did that nite was talk, hug and some kissing(but to me it was the best nite of my life). When i got home it was hell and its been hell ever since. 2 days after my walk with C, i was really down and i drank quite a bit. My ex kept saying little mean things to me. i know he has good reason to be upset and i never wanted to hurt some i care so much about but i really needed to talk to C that nite, i needed something good in my life.

At the same time my little uncle was pissed about his friend trying to get with me and wanted to fight him. i was so drunk and upset and felt so alone, hated, ashamed and alot of other things that i went out to the feild behind our house and started crying, then that turned to screaming and then i could hardly breath. Everyone came to get me, i couldnt really see, i dont remember alot except i was afraid i was gonna die if i could breath. everyone kept yelling at me to stop but i couldnt, i dunno, maybe it was a panic attack.

i guess at the same time C showed up with some mutual friends. My ex went down the street to talk to him, my attack slowed down and then i was just drunk and really sad. No one would let C talk to me. Then he got in the passenger seat of the car and was about to leave, my uncle got in the seat behind him. I ran after him, crying telling him why did he lie to me(everyone was filling my head with hes just playing you bull) when he said i didnt lie to you my uncle snapped, and wrapped his arms around his neck and was choking him. I cant remember alot but it scared the hell out of me, if it wasnt for my ex pulling him off he would have killed the guy.

After that i havent been able to deny my feelings for C. I miss him everyday and its been like 3 weeks since i have gotten to see him. Ive talked to him a little and he holds nothing against me. he just says he misses me and hes not sure what to do because of my situation at home but as soon as im ready he is waiting for me. my situation at home? my ex doesnt move out for another 3 weeks and he is suddenly in love and obsessed with me, i cant even go to the bathroom w/o him following me and begging for me to be with him. hes always trying to kiss me or have sex with me and if i say or do anything wrong he gets really angry..hes done the all that rough pushing and pulling and grabbing and putting his hands on my throat. Hes hit me in the face twice since this but not hard enough for bruises (however in the past his hit me VERY hard). My family is now against me, i feel alienated. They all talk about me behind my back and plan to kick me out soon. i have no job, no money and no where to go. when i try to talk to them they ignore me..they take my ex's side completely.

the only person i have is C but no one here will let me go to him and they wont let him come to me. If i asked him to come get me he would in a heart beat but it would only make things worse here. Im so depressed i dont wanna play with my dog, eat, shower, move....wake up...i just dont know what to do. how am i supposed to find a job if i cant even get up..the only thing i love is laying out in the sun but even then, they follow me and watch me..

thanks so much for listening to my long story...

[1flagwriter]

RaineeDoggie,

That was an awesome story. Your age really plays a part here. You don't mention it, but if you are 18 or over, who's to stop you from being with C? I'd lose the B/F because he is physically abusing you and no one should ever have to endure that.

In the mean time, can you get a therapist to talk to?

Post soon and let us know how it's going...

Hello, RaineeDoggie. Do you have a job? Can you support yourself?