[Paraquat]

Hi everybody.

I recently stopped taking my venlafaxine about 10 days ago, and the brain shocks and nausea have become just about bearable. Anyway, I've been ridiculously unmotivated for the past 4 months or so, which is coincidentally about the same time I've been on the meds - I had been missing 2-3 days of work some weeks (my PhD supervisor has been giving me grief about this recently), and have been unable to concentrate on reading anything, or even care about what i'm supposed to be doing. Now that I'm off the drugs, I've suddenly found myself in the position of being able to get things done and go into work every day of the week.

On the flip side, I can't stop thinking about killing myself. This is not a threat (and to qualify it, it was my state of mind pretty much constantly before I started on the venlafaxine, and I never killed myself then). I'm constantly irritable; small, pointless things make me unreasonably angry. I've been self-harming again.

I'm between a rock and a hard place. Either I take the drugs and become completely indifferent (but still basically depressed) and incapable of working, or I don't and become a complete sociopath. I don't know what to do and have nobody to talk to.

[FeelingHopeful]

you can talk to me. im here.

[englishteacher]

Paraquat - have you tried any other meds? Maybe that drug isn't right for your body/brain chemistry... Hang in there.

[bblb]

every drug has pros and cons. it's ur call. either that you wanna go through with the side effects, get used to it, and become completely detached but safe. or dont take the drugs and take a risk. i chose the later. it's a dilemma most people go through. just try to weigh your options, mate.

[Paraquat]

Thanks for your replies. Yes, I have been on several different drugs on and off over the last 10 years, but none of them have really stuck. I only realised what the venlafaxine after abruptly stopping taking it, and I don't like it. I asked my doctor to switch to something else, but all he did was up the dose. I'm sure I can be bothered with talking to him again.

Paraquat, there are other doctors. Find a psychiatrist that actually tries to help you. Do you see a therapist? The self-harming and thoughts of ending it are serious matters.

Good luck.

[LoneScout]

I understand this issue, pls wrk w/dr for other meds.
UR worth it.
take care

[ECHOES]

Are you in therapy too?

When I decided to come off my SSRI of many years (cold turkey--horrible withdrawal symptoms!) so I could see what I was like , I had to get used to feeling the feelings that the meds had been affecting, flattening. So, I got to feel my feelings fully and it took some getting used to. A person might react by wanting to avoid feeling more intensely, to get away from that. Thoughts about suicide can be quantitative, a way of saying "I feel THIS bad" as well as frustration about what to do about it, how to feel better, how to go about daily life while feeling these intense feelings.

This is something psychotherapy can help so much with, so that's why I asked if you are getting this wonderful help from a psychotherapist.

[Paraquat]

No, I've been on a waiting list since October. Not so keen on going when I do get to the top of the list either.

Don't know how I'm going to get through today, I didn't sleep last night.

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Are you in therapy too?

[englishteacher]

Paraquat - I don't have anything helpful to say, but I'll listen.