[spaceg]

I have been feeling persistant depression for weeks now... I think I started to feel depressed when I see a guy I like at work and I was afraid of those feelings and didn't know how to deal with those feelings and I kind of denied them and it became depression. I think I also lost myself and don't know who I am. So, now I seem to be in a depressed state and can't get out of it. It's not like depression that comes and go. It's like a persistent state of mind that is not normal. I think I tend to repeat myself a lot and can't seem to be on the same page as others when they talk to me.. you know...and causes my behavior to be weird and not normal either.. I think I am still in denial of something, of some of my feelings and emotions but I don't understand why I can't get out of it?? Does anyone know? Could it be because feelings are not rational and have no reason, that's why I can't get out of it?? Do you know how I can get out of it? And do you know why I would deny what I feel for a guy I like?? I'm not very young though, I'm in my thirties.. I also went to church and but at the church, I also didn't want to open up or something and that causes more depression or something... I don't understand why I am doing this to myself.. I like the guy but I denied my feelings and then I became depressed and now I can't be with him anymore.. I don't understand why I am in such a confused state. On one hand I like the guy, on the other hand, I am afraid and don't know how to deal with my feelings for him and so I suppress them and that became depression... I don't know why I am in such contradictory state? This is the same with opening up myself to others.. it's like I don't want to open myself to others for fear of something but if I don't do that, then I would be depressed... ? Why do I do that?
Thanks.

[Mike_J]

Fear of rejection stands in the way of progress for so many of us.

If you ask this guy out for lunch what is the worst that could happen, he could say no, would that be so bad.

Same sort of fear is why it is hard to open up to people, church, therapy where ever.

Looking back I don't regret any of the girls I asked out who turned me down (sometimes in some unkind ways) but I do regret this one girl who I really wanted to ask out but was always too afraid to actually do it.

Hello, spaceg. Perhaps you would benefit from talking to a therapist about these issues?