What stops me from actually doing it

((((((((Chronic))))))))My parents are both gone. I have two adult children who hate me. Truly no one would care if I were gone-'cept the collectors, who are the only ones who call on Christmas, New Years, or any other holiday.
TRIGGER***** I felt exactly the same back in NYC when I had a house all to myself, and my neighbors had poisoned my dogs with antifreeze---I was serious and really did go through with plans that should have done it--no one was coming over, no one was going to call, I was serious. I woke up three days later to a house full of dead plants, (forgot my bird) a dead bird, and a sick headache--I should've been dead--there was no reason for this--no reason!!!!!!! It worked for everyone else who'd done it--but not for me.
I can only say, that there must've been some sort of friggin "Divine Intervention" saying "I'm not done with you yet, nope you are not gonna get out so easy".

I haven't tried since. It doesn't work for me. When Shrinks ask me--I tell them "I wish I were dead every day of my life, I always have" they get bent.
"But are you planning to take your life?"
So I tell them the story of the time I truly tried.........and failed.
It's always embarrassing to tell.

My mom used to say "Heaven and Hell are right here on Earth".

She was right.

I'm with you Chronic--it hurts really bad--it's downright hell--and the antidepressants---ugh---tried them all in 40 years of therapy--'cept the MAOI's--
I am resistant-I think I may have to give the Maoi's a try--gotta watch what you eat though-----there's a Dr. Goldberg in NY who has an article about people who are resistant to antidepressants--lost the site--you could google- or if anyone on here knows the site? I'll look for it get back to you---I'm bad about talking to therapists too--i talk around them these days------hugging you--and with you---theo

((((Chronic))))

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and hoping you are doing okay. I hope you had a good weekend. Please let us know how you are doing. Know that I care and I understand. You are not alone. Please keep reaching out. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

HOPE....

HOPE stops us all. It whispers in our ears and our hearts and souls and sings us lullabies of better days and times, and thankfully many of us can still hear those lullabies.

It's those who can no longer allow themselves to hear them that let go of their lives in search of better places.

When things get noisy, it's especially difficult to hear HOPE'S lullabies, but they are there. We just have to give ourselves pause long enough to hear their whispers coming from within.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...ny-people-yes/

tried to copy the site-about antidepressants- but had a problem with it--yes- there are definitely meds out there that can take you out of the dark---it takes possibly 2-4 weeks to get the blood level up if it's the right one for you--but I know there's one out there for me..I had one for a year, but it turned on me-anxiety, insomnia, anorexia--now I'm going to try the old MAOI's my shrink back in NYC thought would be best for me---thanks Byzantine--Hope you are feeling better Chronic-(((HUGS)))

Okay-Dr. Ivan Goldberg: "Treatment Resistant Mood Disorders"

http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.resistant.html

it talks about new innovations in medicine for both depression and bipolar-i found it interesting--hope you do too---actually-they are old studies-- but my friend meant well--still gonna try the MAOI's...

I, too, want to ask if you're in therapy. Please get help. I was discharged 3 weeks ago this Fri. from a psych hospital where I spent 2 1/2 days & 3 nights because I was suicidal & had plans. I know what caused it. Just like the recreational therapist where I stayed said, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." If you need to go to the ER & stay in the hospital, please don't hesitate!