[turquoisesea]

Last night was amazing.

I went to see Alice in Wonderland with my boyfriend. We ran back home and grabbed pizza at a local shop and ate it while walking to my first hockey game ever. I had so much fun. I was laughing, bouncing. In love with my boyfriend and with life.

This morning I woke up with all these wonderful ideas for the day. My boyfriend had his first day off in a week (which is why he could stay up late enough to do those things the night before). That also meant that we could actually wake up next to each-other and do a bunch of fun and exciting things that we had planned out. First words out of his mouth weren't loving, weren't his arms around me, wasn't hey we've got to get up so we can get going. "they need me at work"...
Cancelling everything.

and now I'm sitting , I've cried 3 hours today. I've shut myself off from the world I'm so down. So much was riding on today for me, because the next few weeks are going to be an emotional roller coaster and I just wanted a shiny day to hold onto.

I dunno

I guess I can't be happy by myself

Maybe the relationship with my boyfriend is unhealthy. Maybe we should be apart for a while, I don't even know


I don't even have a friend I can call - I let down the only one I have left and now I can't make it up to her like planned by giving her a ride to the market because my boyfriend has my car to get to work (so I'm stranded)

[SophiaG]

turquoise you were looking forward to doing something with someone you love, no shame in being upset that you cant do it with them.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

[Lisa Michelle]

Oh I'm so sorry your plans were cancelled, you were so excited about it and it's obvious you're going to feel disappointed. I hope you can re-plan all those things for another day.
But looking at the positives for a moment - lovely to hear you had SUCH a good night last night!! I know right now you feel terrible, but you had a great night, that shows you are capable of being happy, of being bubbly and enjoying being in the moment. So, your first hockey match?? That's so cool. I remember my first ice hockey match a year ago... loved it, what a buzz!!

I know you wanted to do things today, and that you love spending time with your bf and it's a shame you can't do that today. But the good thing about him being your bf is that you can spend time with him another day ... lots of days!

I hope you feel better. I would be upset too. It doesn't mean you should break up, I think it's an extremely good thing that you enjoy spending time together so much!!! and you were excited so it's a big disappointment... try to remember last night, maybe that will make you smile. And if he worked today maybe he gets another day off instead? xx

[turquoisesea]

He doesn't get another day off. He only gets one off per week =)

Erm current problem is for the past 5 hours I've just sat here doing not much - just trying to stay ok, the day is almost over it was really nice out and I was planning to go to the gym. I feel frazzled, scared because I really don't have anything to do that I WANT... knowing I'm drowning in depression zero clue of how to get out despite past experience.

Its like my last depressive episode sapped ALL my friends away, and now I have none left except my boyfriend

[Lisa Michelle]

Could you call a friend and suggest you meet up? Are you SURE they've all been sapped away? Maybe all it takes is you making the first move.
I know it's not easy..

If he gets a day off per week, that means he DOES get another day off :P can you re-plan your fun day for his next day off, instead?

I know how you feel, wanting to do things but not quite finding the motivation to do them. That is one of the bad things about depression, taking away your motivation. I hope you can work on it.

Are you on meds or in therapy? If the depression is that bad maybe you need some help. I do think you can get out of depression, but sometimes you can't do it alone, sometimes it doesn't "just go away".

I hope today is a better day for you x

Things happen.

[justfloating]

(((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))

I hope you're feeling better today. I know how disappointing it can be when you're looking forward to something and it doesn't happen. I personally get very down in these instances, since I tend to focus all my positive energy on looking forward to something, and when it doesn't happen it's like I've used up all my resources to combat my depression, which feeds on my disappointment. Anyway I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel and I hope that you and your boyfriend manage to schedule some time together soon. Sending lots of hugs.