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#1
Apr 24, 2010, 11:58 PM
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you know, i never thought i'd be spending a sat nite looking at 'don't kill yourself books' (to quote wedding crashers). I'm not necessarily suicidal, I'm just havin a really hard time keepin things together the past couple days. I'm not really sure what i'm looking for here, but I kinda just want to vent at least some of this crap, so plz bear w/ me if i ramble.
for one, dep. & alch-ism runs pretty deep in my family. Guess what... i got it too! lol.. im 25, unemployed for bout 4 mos now, & my girl is out busting her hump so we can have a home, & im on my 2nd glass of wine in hopes for oblivion later tonite.. I'll probably run outta booze before that happens. I've struggled with dep. for years before finally giving in & admitting I need help. Since last nov. ive been on anti-d meds.. mixed results there.. Paxil sucks, for those of you who have a relationship.. Killed any semblance of a sex drive. Wellbutrin(generic) is what im on now & i've been pretty optimistic about it. Its helped me cut back smoking & has done a lot to keep me even most days. Since i dont have work, but am normally a pretty active person, I spend about an hour in the gym 4-5days a week & with how much im out walking the dog everyday I could totally be a cesar milan lol. The exercise really does help - A LOT, for any reading this, try to get outside once a day at least. Still.. all of that doesnt seem enough at times. Yesterday night/ today i've hit a really downward.. i dunno what to call it.. I just feel like dogpoo.. completely worthless. Whenever I'm alone... Like now.. i'll tear up at the slightest thing it seems. So I'm getting thru tonite with some wine and headphones blasting out everything else.. Has anyone else been thru this?? Can someone give some advice or i dunno.. something to help turn around some of this negativity. Tangent here- I freaking HATE having to take a pill morning & nite to be "functional/normal/etc." I Hate it sooooo much. Why?! why were we made this way? I dont want to kill myself - im 100% opposed to the idea. I mean, of course those thoughts will weasel their way into your head.. but I've come this far. I can go a little further. But dammit do I have to be so miserable along the way?? Am I just going to have a meltdown every few weeks for the rest of my life? I'm tired.. I'm just so tired of feeling this way. I need a hug. thanks for listening |
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#2
Apr 25, 2010, 03:14 AM
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(((((((Listento the Music))))))-there's your hug- now, tomorrow get thee to a meeting and visit some of my friends- they know Bill W.--You know Alcohol is a depressant dontcha? the dis-ease runs in your family too!! Now let's mix it wit some Buproprion (Wellbuterin) and Paxil--what are you doin ??? You crocked yet?
You dop it--i like you--you're younger than my kids- and you need to start your life- not end it. Look up the organization in the phone book tomorrow and go to a meeting- great acid coffee--weird peoples, but the best stories in the world. Me thinkest you need another hug---(((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))---theo take care of YOU! |
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#3
Apr 25, 2010, 03:57 AM
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((((Listentothe music))))
Welcome to pc and I am glad you are here. Just wanted to give you a hug. Know we are here listening and that we care.  dps 
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#4
Apr 25, 2010, 05:01 AM
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Well thanks u guys for lettin me know I'm still alive! lol. Never quite made it to oblivion tonite.. probly a good thing. I do realize alchohol is a depressant & it wont really help. But there's a lot of other things out there that could serve for a mood alter, & I'd rather reach for the lesser of evils when its a bit late to be calling my support. Anymore, its a rarity when I drink cuz I know that I'll either have just a couple, like tonite, or go balls to the walls so much that I'm hung over for the next couple Days. My destruct pattern is to go to extremes. Even exercise will work like that at times.. I think sometimes that I'm punishing my body.. sounds wierd but it makes sense in my head. its hard for me to find a happy-medium.
I've been to meetings before, but wasnt really comfortable there. Communication issues.. Considering seeing a therapist once I can afford it. This format seems more helpful for me til then, even if all i get is a few positive words. So thanks again, I really appreciate the good vibes. 
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#5
Apr 25, 2010, 08:02 AM
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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