[UnwantedChild]

For the past to years I have been secretly battling depression (at least that's what the doctor said). I finally broke down and told my mom I wanted to die and I began cutting myself with a knife. I am sixteen years old, a cheerleader at school, I come from a very fortunate home, and I just don't understand why my father dislike me. I am a 4.215 student with all honor and A.P classes, the president of my class, and have homecoming queen for 2 years straight. I do everything I can to please my parents, I HATE cheer-leading and being a girly girl. I HATE having to be President and get such high grades. I HATE that I work SO hard for them and they still don't like me. My father is an owner of 5 very popular businesses over the U.S and my mom is a house mom. I have 2 brothers {ages 18 and 16 ones my twin} and 1 sister {29}. My sister was the perfect child and I do my best to follow her footsteps, but I'm never as good. My oldest brother is a basketball player but all he manages in school is a 3.1, but my parents adore him. My twin is also a basketball player, manages a 3.7 in school but has a very lousy attitude, and they also adore him. My attitude isn't bad, when I'm upset I simply go to my room by myself and listen to my favorite band {Paramore}. Anytime I do anything I get into major trouble, but my brothers won't. I remember I received a phone call home for walking out of class w/o permission {I began my menstrual cycle in class} and I was paddled twice {by mom and dad} and on punishment for 1 month w/o any electronics. A week later my twin took my moms car w/o permission sped around the corner {mind you he does not have a license} was stopped by the police and arrested, all he received was a lecture and three day punishment. I believe my father gets very happy when punishing me and my mom never says anything. I receive severe punishments, and I'm the only one in the house that receives spankings still. I am tired of the emotional abuse I receive form my father, and I'm very close to thinking about killing myself {again]. Please can someone help me, I love my parents and really want them to be proud of me, but no matter what I do they never seem to be.

[bluegirl...?]

((((((((UnwantedChild))))))))
im so sorry that you have to put up with this at home i know exactly how you feel.. for me, i just try to tune them out of everything i do unless i absolutely need them for something. i try to make a balance between things they like and things i like. [like for example, they like it if i water their stupid ferns& restock our fridge, and i like to be in band] if you dont like those things that you listed, whats the point of doing them if doesnt please anyone --least of all yourself.
its a struggle to have parents who just wont care no matter what you do, especially when you are purposely trying to please them. just let yourself be happy with other things and not focus too much on ur parents if its going to get you nowhere.. *maybe you should bring up that you shouldnt be spanked still at 16 --unless this will make them spank you more--
if you ever just wanna talk or complain, just send me a PM(:
～Danni

Hello, UnwantedChild. Is there a school counselor that you can talk to? Do you think your parents would allow you to see a therapist? If so, at some point, the therapist may be able to tell your parents how they are abusing you.

Good luck.

[findingmy_self95]

It is illegal for your father to hit you from the age of thirteen and when I turned 13 I said to my father, If you spank me EVER again! I will call the cops on you and that worked ??

[NuckingFutz]

This does not sound like a fortunate house. It sounds dysfunctional to me. Your parents are the ones failing you by not learning how to constructively communicate with you. Loving people is about loving who they are, not what they achieve. People like your parents seem to lack insite...as time goes on, it never occurs to them as everyone gets older, say in about 50 years, you will still be strong and sharp and your parents won't...when they will need you, will you be there telling them loving words? Will they have fond memories of you to look back on? The signs are already pointing in a negative direction. I think that they need to make some major changes in their relationship with you in order for things to improve. Sometimes you have to morn the fact that they cannot be the parents you want them to be. And the spanking situation, that's just sick. You can't fix your parents, but you can heal from their inability to parent you properly. Get revenge by raising your future children with love.

[so_punk_rock]

i wish i could make you feel better. i feel like that alot. i know that you wish to feel affection from someone.....and it doesnt come. im not really sure how you can change your fathers opinion about you. i feel like you shouldnt have to impress your parents. i mean, it seems like getting good grades and being a cheerleader doesnt matter much. i also feel like people dont really appreciate me. im kinda still dealing with feelings of lonliness and just pretty much a lack of feeling like i belong so i cant give you the best advice but i want you to hang in there. its really hard especially when you have to do it alone...you feel like, nobody cares why dont i just kill myself off.. it seems like this endless nightmare...and nobody cares but people do care...yea they arent really available to you but people care. and besides that you have to make yourself happy, if your family is not doing it for you( WHICH THEY SHOULD) you need to find people that do make you happy. i want to give up all the time...but i know that is just not an option....its pretty much the easy way out. i believe life isnt completely hopeless. even for severely depressed people. like i said its really hard and alot of the times it doesnt get any better. there are certain things in life worth living for, things that will make you incredibly happy. please dont give up. its kind of hard when you feel like life is working against you but you have to fight back.

so_punk_rock, choose to live.

[desperate&disturbed]

im so sorry, i have a similar situation and it SUCKS! but its not your fault, they are gonna realize that they are being stupid one day. if you ever want to talk, please pm me.
and also if you don't like cheerleading and stuff don't do it! do what makes you happy. you get one life make it the way you want it

[lynn P.]

Hi Unwantedchild,
I think you should speak with your school counselor. It's definitely not fair you're treated differently and I wonder why that is - do they favor boys? It's wrong to hit a child, especially when they're 16. If I were you, I would think of all those achievements you've earned, not for 'them' but for you - do it for yourself. In a few years you'll be on your own, so hang in there for now but do speak with a counselor. Your value doesn't depend on your parents - you're a good person with great potential. Keep doing great in school and do it for yourself - this is your ticket to freedom. I also agree it would be good mentioning, you'll tell authorities if they use corporal punishment on you again - YOU HAVE RIGHTS!!!!! Don't let this make you feel discouraged about living - I wish you strength and perseverance.

[Lisa Michelle]

Oh, I'm sorry you're feeling so low about all of this. You're right, it does sound like your father over-punishes you. Can you talk to him at all?
If not you might benefit from talking to a school counsellor. It's horrible not to be heard.
Please don't think of killing yourself. You're so young, and yes you're in a situation right now where you feel very low and upset with the way you're treated, but it IS temporary... if you don't like home life right now, that's very sad, but things will look up, situations change and improve.
I knew a guy in school who killed himself because he was being bullied, but if he'd just left school, or just waited til he finished, things would have changed. He wouldn't have been bullied for the rest of his life, probably only 3 extra months or so and he would be out of it and have the rest of his life to enjoy.

I'm glad you were able to talk to your mum about how you're feeling. It's very brave of you and definitely the right thing to do. I wish I could go back in time and tell my mum when I was 16 (instead of waiting til I was 23).... what did she think of it all? I hope she's willing to help you. If she's not, it's hard but you have to ask somebody else. Depression is a serious illness, and you deserve to be well.

x

[SophiaG]

I hope that wherever you are now that you are safe. I wish you'd respond to this thread and let us know how you are doing and what you think of the comments made so far.

*hug*

[mormat]

Originally Posted by UnwantedChild

For the past to years I have been secretly battling depression (at least that's what the doctor said). I finally broke down and told my mom I wanted to die and I began cutting myself with a knife. I am sixteen years old, a cheerleader at school, I come from a very fortunate home, and I just don't understand why my father dislike me. I am a 4.215 student with all honor and A.P classes, the president of my class, and have homecoming queen for 2 years straight. I do everything I can to please my parents, I HATE cheer-leading and being a girly girl. I HATE having to be President and get such high grades. I HATE that I work SO hard for them and they still don't like me. My father is an owner of 5 very popular businesses over the U.S and my mom is a house mom. I have 2 brothers {ages 18 and 16 ones my twin} and 1 sister {29}. My sister was the perfect child and I do my best to follow her footsteps, but I'm never as good. My oldest brother is a basketball player but all he manages in school is a 3.1, but my parents adore him. My twin is also a basketball player, manages a 3.7 in school but has a very lousy attitude, and they also adore him. My attitude isn't bad, when I'm upset I simply go to my room by myself and listen to my favorite band {Paramore}. Anytime I do anything I get into major trouble, but my brothers won't. I remember I received a phone call home for walking out of class w/o permission {I began my menstrual cycle in class} and I was paddled twice {by mom and dad} and on punishment for 1 month w/o any electronics. A week later my twin took my moms car w/o permission sped around the corner {mind you he does not have a license} was stopped by the police and arrested, all he received was a lecture and three day punishment. I believe my father gets very happy when punishing me and my mom never says anything. I receive severe punishments, and I'm the only one in the house that receives spankings still. I am tired of the emotional abuse I receive form my father, and I'm very close to thinking about killing myself {again]. Please can someone help me, I love my parents and really want them to be proud of me, but no matter what I do they never seem to be.

My parents were not good parents. They drank a lot and lived week to week on their income, because they spent all their money on beer! I decided that when I graduated from high school, I was going to make a life for myself. I did quite well and have a wonderful wife, two great young men, and four wonderful grandchildren. You never stop loving your parents, even though they do the things they do. You really need to sit down with your mother and father and tell them how you feel. How did your mom respond to your conversation with her about your thoughts? I would most certainly have the spanking halted. Remember, you need to take care of you. You have a lot going for you. Don't put yourself down, you will end up better in the end. Your hard work will pay off some day. All the good things you are doing at school are really for you, and you will reap the benefits later in life. Just remember, you are preparing yourself for life and doing a good job at it. Stay as busy as you can. When you get depressed, pat yourself on the back, you deserve it. Continue to be the best you can be.....You should be able to receive a full scholarship with your grades the way they are, and then you can begin planning your own future.

Best, Jerry