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#1
May 14, 2010, 07:12 PM
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Generally feeling icky. Which is actually a step up from how I was feeling a few hours ago, when I was sort of shifting between wanting to cry and feeling so angry I could punch a hole in the wall. Nothing in particular brought it on except maybe the book I'm trying to finish for my 19th Century French Literature exam, which is the single most depressing piece of literature I've ever had to read. 400+ pages of reading about why life is meaningless and it starts to wear on you. I've put off reading the darn thing all semester precisely because I find it so triggering to so much as open, and now I'm essentially gorging myself on it so I can write a coherent essay in the exam ... Not good.
 On top of that I found out my residence is closing a day earlier than I thought, which means I officially have no place to sleep the night before I fly home. I guess I'll be getting a hotel. Not a HUGE deal in the long run but what would ordinarily be just a slight irritant is enough to reduce me to tears today. AAAAAAAAAGH!  On top of that, yesterday my family called, interrupting MY evening, and I got to sit there listening to my brother throwing one of his teenage-the-world-revolves-around-me tantrums and yelling into the speakerphone for me to shut up. I love my family but I can't say I particularly like them. Here I go, feeling tears coming on again, when ten minutes ago I was just irritable. I don't know if this is the new meds I've started or general exam anxiety or the fact that I've spent too much time with that stupid book today but I feel about ready to explode.  
__________________
Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
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#2
May 14, 2010, 08:20 PM
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((((justfloating))))
It could be from a combination of factors: Exams and moving both cause alot of stress and anxiety, you're taking new meds, you're spending alot of time with the yucky book, you may not be looking forward to spending the summer at home with your family, your diet and exercise may not be what they should be, might be a little sleep deprived........ Can you go work out or take a walk to relieve some stress and get some fresh air? You might also sleep better that way. Take care of yourself and good luck
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"Don't turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That's where the light enters you." Rumi "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." Carl Rogers Last edited by slowinmi; May 14, 2010 at 08:33 PM. Reason: hit the wrong key before done |
 justfloating
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#3
May 14, 2010, 09:13 PM
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((((((( Justfloating! )))))))
A depressed individual cramming a 400-page book on the meaningless of life, and then taking an exam on it -- !?!?!?! This I would not wish on my worst enemy (OK, maybe I might consider it). Slowinmi has nicely summarized your numerous stressors. Please be careful, and I hope you can find the wherewithal to overcome family pressures to get some genuine rest once you get home.
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My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| justfloating
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#4
May 16, 2010, 07:46 PM
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(((((((Justfloating))))))))
I'm sorry. You are so strong to get through this. I definitely loose it reading that much on how life is meaningless. Good luck on your test. 
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| justfloating
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#5
May 17, 2010, 01:43 PM
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(((Rebecca))))
Sorry about the dorms, maybe you can talk to them and ask for an extra night? They do that sometimes at schools i know around here for international students =)
__________________
 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
| justfloating
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#6
May 21, 2010, 09:54 AM
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Quote:
Also, maybe you could balance that depressing book with renting some comedy movies? 
__________________
In depression . . . faith in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent. The pain is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the...feeling felt as truth...that no remedy will come -- not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute. . . . It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul.-William Styron |
| justfloating
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#7
May 21, 2010, 10:06 PM
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Take care of yourself, Rebecca. This semester is almost history.
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| justfloating
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#8
May 22, 2010, 11:50 AM
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How are you doing justfloating? Did you make it through the exams and the other stressful things like the "stupid book"? We're thinking about you and wishing you well. Sending a big hug to you and hoping you have a restful, peaceful summer.
__________________
"Don't turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That's where the light enters you." Rumi "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." Carl Rogers |
| justfloating
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#9
May 24, 2010, 06:17 PM
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Well that particular exam (19th century French) was BRUTAL but it's over. And I wound up having to write an essay about Baudelaire's melancholia/depression, which I know more than a little about. Good to know this depression's got its uses
 I have 17th century French theatre on Wednesday, then all I have to stress about is packing/summer storage and I fly home Sunday morning. On top of that because I have to be at the airport at an unholy hour I'm staying in Edinburgh on Saturday night so I'm going to leave early and have a bit of a walkabout Edinburgh. I spend a lot of my downtime there so I'm looking forward to it. Definitely one of my favourite cities by far. Depression-wise I've been doing all right. I got a bit of a "booster" med to supplement my usual anti-depressants for the duration of my exams. One of its side effects is that I'm fast asleep within about ten minutes of taking it, so I've been able to get my sleep more or less regulated, which has REALLY helped. I'm looking into getting some proper psychological support set up for when I go home as well. All in all, just trying to take care of myself the best I can. Thanks for your support, all.
__________________
Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
| turquoisesea
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