A member on another site has successfully convinced me that because I am not young, skinny, and have a perfectly coiffed hairdo, I'm not as worthwhile as others. She cites all this pseudo-scientific stuff saying how men are genetically programmed to want to spread their seed, and that's why they go after, as she words it, "younger girls, skinny girls, pretty girls." I am neither young nor skinny, so what does that make me? Ugly, I suppose. I complained to mods, but they did nothing. They *did* delete my post answering her, but apparently what she said is OK. Clearly, here are the definitions of their TOS:

A violation is when I offend someone else.

A non-violation is when someone else offends me.

So now I'm totally convinced that I'm not pretty, and not worthy of the air I breathe. I told my husband last night that I was beginning to have SI thoughts, and all he did was roll his eyes and say, "I don't need this right now."

To which I think, Gee, thanks for being so concerned about me.

I have no support. But I refuse to call anyone, because they'll just yell at me for caring what other people think of me. Well, why shouldn't I? What other people think of me can determine whether I get a job or a promotion, whether or not I can rent a house, whether or not I'm welcome somewhere....

[lynn P.]

(((LovebirdsFlying))) I'm very sorry you had this negative experience with a member at another forum. I agree this was a very insensitive thing for someone to say and the moderators didn't handle it properly. I understand how upset you must feel. I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain.

I believe there a match for every person and I believe looks/weight are way over rated. I know your weight has come up several times in your posts - I can't remember if you mentioned you were ready to look for options to lose some weight or not. Please know you're not a waste of air - you're an important person. If you're having bad thoughts please call your doctor. I hope you feel better soon.

[thine_self_untrue]

Oh, Lovebirds! You are NOT a waste of air! I'm sorry your self confidence took another hit. There will always be "younger girls, skinnier girls and prettier girls". Sucks doesn't it? Comparing yourself to other people will only very, very rarely make you happy with yourself. Try to focus on what you KNOW is good about you. The physical element of a person is only one part. Your weight does NOT define you - I'm sure you're even sicker than I am of people judgeing others by thier apperence.

I'm sorry for the way your husband reacted. Try to cut him a little slack- I have to believe it's incredibly difficult for those who love people with mental issues.

You are important- You are important- You are important. You are worth it Lovebirds, so please, take care of yourself. If you think you are in danger of hurting yourself- get help, please!!

You are welcome here. EVERYONE is

[*freak*]

I'm not sure this will come out right, but let's try.

There's an awful lot of people who would be inclined to agree with the brainless conformist girl who posted that load of ******** on that other site.
However, there are people who are able to see beyond your weight and outer appearance in general. Not being that young or that skinny doesn't automatically make you ugly. Not at all. And even if you actually were... there's plenty of people who won't care what you look like. Us here, for example

Taking into consideration what others think of you is not bad of itself. It's when you start valueing the opinion of shallow idiots for whom it's all about the looks that it becomes a problem. It's not worth it. And you know why? Because they will age. And they'll gain weight. At that point they will have nothing left, once their "beauty" will fade; whereas you will still have yourself: a great personality, your caring heart and the strenght you have (or will have) gained from overcoming your difficulties.

Please, take very good care of yourself

I appreciate everyone's support. Freak, my husband pretty much said what you did. "What do you care what some bimbo online says?" Also, my Facebook friends rallied around me and helped boost my confidence. So I got through the crisis (even to the point of feeling suicidal) without even having to have an emergency appointment, let alone a hospitalization.

A therapist once asked me what I would do if I were in a situation where *nobody* validated me. I still don't know. I'd probably feel like an alien on my own planet, and wonder as I've been wondering lately, why did God bother to make me?

I *may* give the website another chance, since I got a PM from a mod basically saying that just because they couldn't find a rule violation in her post doesn't make my feelings any less hurt. Of course they were hurt. I've got the shallow, brainless, conformist bimbo on Ignore now, where she's staying.

Needless to say, then, I appreciate the validation I've gotten over this issue. Being judged on looks, and nothing else, is a huge sensitive spot for me.

[rawwar]

Lovebirdsflying, I'm sorry you got triggered like that! The one thing which has really, really helped me when it comes to body image/beauty issues is learning to see myself through my husband's eyes. For ages he would tell me that I was beautiful, sexy, etc. I always wrote it off as him saying nice things because he had to since he is married to me. However, after a while, I decided to accept that he really meant these things when he said them. I might disagree with his assessment, but he really did think that I was beautiful and sexy. Once I started getting comfortable with that idea instead of dismissing what he said out of hand, I started allowing myself to think that even if his perception was a bit overly generous, it wasn't entirely inaccurate. And really, its more important that he find me beautiful and sexy than some stranger (much less some theoretical man looking to "spread his seed"!). So, I allowed myself to value the fact that he found me beautiful and sexy more than the idea that other men or women may not. I haven't completely overcome body/beauty insecutity, but trying to accept the way I look through my husband's eye has been enormously helpful to me. And my husband is actually really happy that I accept what he says much of the time becase back when I dismissed it on reflex, it often made his feel hurt and discounted. It may not apply for you, but I just thought I'd share since it's an idea that's worked well for me.

[justfloating]

(((((((((((((((Lovebirds))))))))))))))))

It sounds to me like that bimbo was looking for her own form of validation. I'm glad you've chosen to put her on Ignore on that other site. You don't need that kind of garbage in your life.