[SueA]

Well, I'm a new member, suffer from depression and ocd. I have been just reading posts the past few days..I started here at one of my low low points.. Wow how so many of you describe exactly how I feel.. It brings me comfort just knowing that you all are there for each other.
Tomorrow I face a day at work that I know will go bad.. Its an event sort of thing ..lots of people (3000+) and a boss that is half my age that hates me and will be sure to make the day almost unbearable for me with out even trying. I know that I shouldn't go into the day thinking that I have already lost but I am. I'm already taking deep breaths at just the thought of how my boss will act toward me, no matter what I will say or do it will be wrong.. But I willl get through it.. I'll paint a smile on my face and take what she dishes out.. Then cry uncontrollably in gut wrenching pain on the way home. Just like almost every day any more. I'm so tired of painting a smile on, every day that passes gets harder and harder.
I feel like I just don't do anything right. And my boss and everyone I work with thinks I'm the dirt of the earth. I feel lost..empty, stupid, have no friends... a husband that goes with the flow of my ups and downs. Grown kids that basicly stay away from me. They come over to visit with their Dad and talk with me just to be polite cause I'm their mom
I have tried meds guess I should go back to the Doc to try again.
Soooo Yet another day goes by.......

[shaggy dog]

Hello SueA, it is so tiring and hard to wear that outer mask when on the inside all you feel is pressure and anxiety. I know the thought of a crowd of that size would sure intimidate the heck out of me. You sound so sad and bewildered. I hope your day tomorrow goes better than you think it will. I agree that maybe you could go see a Dr and get some meds to take the edge off of things. shaggy

[Lisa Michelle]

I hope you got through the day ok! You might surprise yourself.
I'm sorry to hear you sounding so down on yourself - you know, I don't know your situation, but it might be that people at work DON'T think you're dirt and your children don't ONLY talk to you because you're their mom - this might be the way you FEEl because of the depression and possible low self esteem. I know I always tend to think people don't like me etc, but I think really it's only me who thinks that way about myself.
Anyway, let us know how the day went x

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Lisa Michelle

...but it might be that people at work DON'T think you're dirt and your children don't ONLY talk to you because you're their mom - this might be the way you FEEl because of the depression and possible low self esteem. I know I always tend to think people don't like me etc, but I think really it's only me who thinks that way about myself.
Anyway, let us know how the day went x

Hi SueA,
You sound really down. I agree with Lisa Michelle. I have spent a lot of time feeling this way myself, "everyone hates me, thinks I'm weird, I can't do anything right AT ALL." It didn't help to have my Dad tell me things like this in the past... Have you ever had anyone tell you you're "no good?" This is why I have also said I have felt so different from everyone else, like an alien. But I am *slowly* learning that this is the depression talking. In truth, we are all not that different from one another. Even those people who seem to "have it all together" usually have some sort of problem or problems; they may drink or do drugs or have a heart condition or maybe they were abused etc. But depression can make our connection to others invisible, and make us feel totally alone in our pain. Have you seen a therapist? I have found this sooo helpful. Therapy and meds can make a real difference to help you feel better. My thoughts are with you.
E

[turquoisesea]

Hi Sue, I just wanted to you to PC. I don't know much about you yet but it does sound like you're struggling. I hope that new meds might work for you and that possibly posting on PC can help you too - it definitely has helped me =)

Best wishes!
~turquoisesea

[SophiaG]

Have you ever thought of taking up meditation. I hear it helps with mental health...

[brephi]

SueA, I understand where you are coming from. It takes a lot of time and energy and control to deal with a situation such as yours. I suffer from depression also and try to keep the smiling face so others won't be able to discover that I have a problem. It's like this -- I'm smiling on the outside and crying on the inside and it's just so tiring.

[Maxime]

Originally Posted by SueA

Tomorrow I face a day at work that I know will go bad.. Its an event sort of thing ..lots of people (3000+) and a boss that is half my age that hates me and will be sure to make the day almost unbearable for me with out even trying. with thinks I'm the dirt of the earth. I feel lost..empty, stupid, have no friends... a husband that goes with the flow of my ups and downs. Grown kids that basicly stay away from me. They come over to visit with their Dad and talk with me just to be polite cause I'm their mom

I'm sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed and depressed. If you think that tomorrow will go bad, it WILL go bad. Maybe you could brainstorm what you think will go bad and find some solutions to them now. You could even post them here and I am sure that people would help you brainstorm. You need to go into work feeling like you will be able to conquer anything that is thrown your way.

Are you on meds? That is something else that you might to look into because you really are depressed. Maybe your grown kids stay away from you because they don't know how to help you. Maybe you should open up to them about your problems and they could help you get help.

You can PM me anytime.

Wishing you the best, SueA.

[SueA]

Im such a looser that I have tried to reply to this 4 times now and mess it up each time.....
My day went ok..wasn't as bad as I had anticipated but wasn't good either... ex. something happened mid way through and everything was put on hold for about 2 hours, the only place I was able to go to was my car.. So I called my boss to say where i was.. my boss suggested I join them in a restricted area (I already had limited access to) I thought great that was really nice I was actually asked to join them... I have physical issues with my back and my boss knows this.. (Had been there standing for 6 hrs already) and to my surprise when I got there very limmited places to sit..so I had to stand.. everyone was eating but I couldn't you had to have a food ticket (All my other co-workers that were there were eating..) So there I am standing for an hour in pain watching everyone else eat. And couldn't get bak to my car due to safty issues. I should have never left my car.
When it was time for me to go I had forgotten to give my boss a list of something and was in the process of heading back with it and my boss calls me asking for information on the list... Well I stated that I was on my way walking back with the list and the numbers were on it. (My boss didn't need this informatio for another 3 hrs) Then my boss starts asking again for the numbers.. (Now I'm not a person that stutters or ever has but my boss is so intimadating that I actually start stuttering). I respond It's dark and I can't read it I will be there in a minute..My boss then again askes for the numbers...Like The night sky has turned to day and I can now read it,. So I respond again that Im on my way back It is to dark to read the list and I do not know the numbers off the top of my head.. Auggggggghhhhhhhhh
Yet another day goes by..Today I don't have to work and have no drive to do anything.. Need to cook stuff my husband wants.. Need to cook stuff I bought the otherday for today and all I want to do is go back to bed and pull the covers over my head...

[shaggy dog]

SueA, you're not a loser. You just have a boss that seems to suck the self-esteem straight out of you. Could you ask for atransfer? Can you go over his head with a list of the awful thigs he's put you through? He makes me mad just listening to you talk about him. Don't let him win by letting him take your work issues home with you. I'm sorry your job is stressful and that it has you so down. shaggy

[concern1970]

Hello Sue..... I'm so sorry for the pain that you are suffering over the work issue. Since joining PC I too have found such a support here that really strenghtens me and helps me get through things I find uncomfortable. Knowing other people are going through the same issues, that I'm going through sooooo helps me and hopefully will help you too.

Hello, SueA. So sorry your boss is such a martinet. Is there someone you can talk to about your boss's behavior?