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#1
May 22, 2010, 07:42 PM
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 Can you see them? At first they were only tiny droplets blurring my vision before trickling down my cheek. Then the gentle droplets turned to sobs and whimpers. Soon they gave way to wails of torment. My entire body and soul are crying out in pain. Why, oh why was I so stupid? How could I have let down my guard? I’ve learned the lessons well. You must be ever vigilant and alert. That dark hopelessness and worthlessness of my disease lay in wait for the tiniest moment of weakness. You must be constantly watchful for the signs that send you spiraling downward. The constant drumming into my head at therapy session after therapy session, “Never let your guard down. Think positively. Reinforce positive thoughts with actions.” Yes, I know. I know this as well as anyone. But I’ve failed yet again. With a simple blink of an eye, I’ve returned to the suffering and torment of my disease. Beaten, defeated, discouraged, frightened, lonely, lost, these are the words driving my life. There is this emptiness inside. I feel like the tree that has been gutted by fire. The trunk and limbs still stand on the hillside but the inside is black and hollow. With nothing left to nourish the tree it is already dead.  kebs
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 kebs
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 Gabi925, lynn P.
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#2
May 22, 2010, 09:03 PM
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(((((Kebsfroggy)))))
I am so sorry you are feeling so bad, I wish I could do something to make you feel better. Your words carry such sadness, I feel your pain. There has to be something or someone who can nourish you as you so deserve. You are important, you matter and I care. You are in my thoughts.  to my favorite frog in the whole world
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| kebsfroggy
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#3
May 22, 2010, 09:20 PM
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(((Kebsfroggy)) - what a beautifully written post but I'm sorry you're so sad. I pray that one seed was left on this tree and it's falls to ground and secures itself to the soil. Rains will nourish the seed, until a seedling sprouts. Praying for a renewal of spirit for you Kebs.
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 This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
| brephi, kebsfroggy
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#4
May 23, 2010, 07:56 AM
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Would that all fire-gutted trees be so eloquent!
((((((( Kebsfroggy! )))))))
__________________
My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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#5
May 23, 2010, 08:36 AM
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 Regrowth after a Forest Fire. 
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“In depression . . . faith in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent. The pain is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the...feeling felt as truth...that no remedy will come -- not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute. . . . It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul.”-William Styron |
| brephi, idontknow13
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#6
May 23, 2010, 12:30 PM
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I'm so sorry you're feeling like this... and I'm so sorry for your tears...
 I wish I could think of something wise and meaningful to say like you usually do when I need support. But after all, there's not much to say to relieve that amount of despair, is there? I hope you feel better soon and I'm sending you warm comforting hugs:
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• A bearer of a shattered soul and a mind all ripped and torn • I will rather learn to enjoy misery than partake a life of hypocrisy |
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#7
May 23, 2010, 06:14 PM
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Kebs
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| kebsfroggy
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#8
May 23, 2010, 08:45 PM
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Do not worry about me my friend. Enjoy your new found confidence and wonderful life. That is much more important than concern for a frog of little brain.
kebs
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kebs
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#9
May 23, 2010, 08:50 PM
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Yes Sophia, whether blown in by the wind or protected from the heat of the fire new life returns to the gutted forest.
I always seem to ask myself if I can survive long enough for life to begin a new.
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kebs
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#10
May 23, 2010, 08:52 PM
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Rohag, perhaps just grounded ;-)
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kebs
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#11
May 23, 2010, 09:13 PM
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When you walk through the forest after the fire death is all around you. The air is heavy with ashes and smoke. Even a short breath causes pain.
The ground in singed and scorched in every direction. Heat still rises from the rocks beneath your feet. You look for miles in all directions hoping for some tiny signal that not all life has disappeared. My life feels like little more than the remains of the forest fire. I see no seeds or tiny leaves to indicate life. Such a failure. Such a waste. Tears seem to be my only success in life and with them the pain and suffering they signify. kebs
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kebs
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#12
May 24, 2010, 03:20 AM
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(((kebsfroggy)))
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 Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long. |
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#13
May 24, 2010, 06:06 AM
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So, kebsfroggy, what is the plan? How are you going to beat this perfidious hydra?
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#14
May 24, 2010, 03:07 PM
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Quote:
I so hope you'll find a sign of life that will give you hope in that forest, Kebsfroggy. I know there is much more in you than you see. It's because it's hidden underneath all that pain and sorrow Please take very good care of yourself
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• A bearer of a shattered soul and a mind all ripped and torn • I will rather learn to enjoy misery than partake a life of hypocrisy |
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#15
May 24, 2010, 03:18 PM
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 ((((((((((((((((( froggy ))))))))))))))))))
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#16
May 26, 2010, 07:46 PM
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My life has been turned upside down. All its precious dreams flung across the ground. Broken pieces of once cherished treasures are all that remain.
I feel brutally beaten but without a scar. Words don't help to ease the pain. Only tears softly falling down my cheeks give a clue as to the sadness inside. I should know what to do to put my life back together. How many times has this happened before. But I don't seem to get beyond the torment controlling my life. How do I make this all stop? Maybe this time there is not a way out. kebs
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kebs
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#17
May 26, 2010, 08:16 PM
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(((((((KEBSFROGGY))))))))
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#18
May 26, 2010, 09:48 PM
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((((((( Kebsfroggy! )))))))
__________________
My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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#19
May 27, 2010, 03:27 PM
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(((((Kebbsfroggy)))))
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#20
May 27, 2010, 04:50 PM
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Use that big brain of yours to figure out a plan. Are you receiving professional help? The worst thing you can do is quit on yourself.
“It does not matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop." ~Confucius |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Depression is not a weakness ...... it is a sign that you have been strong for too long. 
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