[pkrobles]

Many people believe that when your children become adults (when they turn 18 or graduate college or get married or when ever that time is) you can take a deep breath and stop the constant worry. I worry so much.

My girls are 22 and 25 years of age. My oldest has been married almost 3 years and has an 8 month old daughter of her own. My youngest lives with her boyfriend who has two kids which stay with them every other weekend. I get calls from both girls when they are feeling low, sick, tired, stressed, etc. There is nothing I can do for them. I cannot kiss these kinds of boo boos away. I feel upset and stressed and depressed that they do not seem to be happy all the time. Or even most of the time. Sometimes I feel SO guilty because I do not want to talk to them. I want to avoid them, yet protect them all at the same time. They have very strong personalities and sometimes it is hard to talk to them because, as young people often do, they know EVERYTHING. And every little thing is HUGE in their eyes.

It just makes it hard to deal with them.

I can relate--my oldest will be 34 this week...He knows it all---My daughter will be 33 in October--They each graduated College, had all the accoutrements of dance lessons,
Little League, etc...but they are not who they were!!

These are adults now: I need to have a different relationship with them.
Not that I want one at all with my son...story for another day.

My daughter is now a mom and wife---I'm working, and she is trying also, to bond as friends now-----sure, when she wants mommying, I'll be there--but right now;
she wants her "boundaries respected" hey-so do I.

Time for me to stop living through my kids--time has come today!!! To live through ME, and for Me--My relationship with my daughter will grow if I do this For Me!!!

"There are only two lasting bequests we can leave our Children;
One is Roots,
The other Wings"--"If you love something, set it free--If it truly loved you;
It will be back in time"-----------------hang in there!!!

They really know it all when they hit thirty!!!--sorry 'bout that----theo

Postscript: You ne'er stop worrying about them.....but it doesn't have to take your focus off yourself. I am concentrating on Me now, Kids learn by example---this is respected.

[Juliaspavlov]

((((hugs)))) for you PK and Theodora.
I have almost made it a quest
worrying about my kids.
We need classes on how not to worry about them!!!!!

[Lisa Michelle]

I can't speak as a parent, but as a "child" (lol) of 25 I think you never stop worrying about your children. I know my mum still worries about me (especially with all this mental health rubbish) and I know my grandad is always thinking of my mum, whatever chance he gets he throws her a £20 just to help her out.... and.... I just want to try to reassure you, you feel bad because your girls phone you when they are low and you think you can't do anything - but you ARE doing something. You're the person they call when they need somebody - you should be proud of that, that your girls are so close to you that they are able to let you be there for them, to tell you what's going on in their lives. I know it will help them a lot to know that they always have their mum, that no matter what happens in the day, if they are low they can ring you and talk to you and they know you will listen and love them. I recently spent some time abroad and was going through a rough patch, you have no idea how much those phone calls to my mum helped me.

It must be a strain on you, I understand that, and perhaps it would help you to worry a little less, your girls are mostly grown up and I think they can probably handle things more than you think -- sure they get down but doesn't everybody? It's probably just that you hear about it much more with your girls because you are that close to them. If you weren't such a close family I'm sure your girls wouldn't call you and you would think they were always happy.

It might help to try to stear the conversations into something more positive, from time to time. It doesn't do to dwell TOO much on the bad stuff and they have to learn to share YOUR stories too.

Remember you don't have to protect them from bad things happening, just being there when they do is enough x

[pkrobles]

Thank you all for your words of support. It is much appreciated.

And Lisa Michelle - thank you for the viewpoint of the child. You brought tears to my eyes and pride to my heart. My girls and I are very close and I do cherish that. I just have to remember that just talking to me may be helpful and that I do not need to have all the answers. Of course, it's easier said than done! But I'll try.

I was never real close to my mom and still cannot really talk to her. I am grateful I can call my girls my friends.

[SophiaG]

You'll never stop being their mum. It's natural to worry and care, just make sure (as theo has already said) that you make time for yourself as well.