Rambling.

I don't know why her attitude bothers me when it's her problem, not mine.

I'm tired of being talked down to by a snot-nosed know-it-all child of a 'co-worker' who thinks she knows everything when her ignorance is visible from several miles away.

I look at my life like a long, dark tunnel, and I didn't even realize it until my mother said no one could live that way and in doing so suggested there was an alternative.

Maybe my thinking is so deeply ingrained that I'll never get out.

I'm getting to that low, low point again where I can't stop myself from saying what I think. When someone is prattling on and on about their problems and they're so minor, so stupid, oh my God, why can't you just exchange my ottoman, good Lord, why did I only get to spend five minutes at the casino before my mother called needing help with the baby, oh, why do I have to work another half day before my vacation, and I say something really dumb like what does it matter in the long run when we're all going to die anyway?

Tends to shut them up, but once they think about it a bit they end up looking at me funny.

Maybe it's not socially acceptable behavior.

At least it doesn't get me landed in a hospital anymore.

Civilians aren't rewarded for turning their friends in to the head shrinkers like soldiers are.

We're not patted on the back for making it worse.

In neither situation does anyone actually care.

People are self-centered by nature.

I feel like I don't belong on earth.

Everyone seems petty and small and idiotic.

I'm not saying I'm better than they are, just... more awake?

I don't know what I'm saying.

I should just go to sleep now.

The long, dark tunnel awaits.

Your work environment sounds very very unhealthy for you mental health wize. I think it'd be a good idea if you started looking elsewhere for a more emotionally healthy job.

You sound like you are falling into a deep depression. Do you see a Therapist or take meds? You have to do something to combat this fall into despair, or else it'll be all the more harder to get out of.

Please be gentle with yourself.

((((((((( Inky )))))))))

Rambling is good, keep rambling here, we are listening. Stop the world I want to get off, I know that feeling.

Yeah I agree with pegasus, it's good to let it out! I hope you feel a little better for having it 'out there'?

Anyhow, I think your mum is right and there is an alternative to living in a constant depression, or dark tunnel as you call it. You're right though when you get into such a pattern of negative thinking it's very hard to break it, especially if you've been doing it for so long ... but just because something is difficult doesn't mean it's impossible.

Some peoples 'problems' don't REALLY matter, but often little problems build up and up and it's the culmination of everything that really weighs on you. So although it can sort of feel... unimportant... when somebody rants about say, their dishwasher breaking or something... it's probably important for them to be able to say "god damit!" because it lets the stress OUT rather than keeping it in. I know what you mean though that often people complain about things that are so small and it would be great it people saw the 'bigger picture' but I do think it takes time (a lot of years) to truly appreciate and realise what 'life is about'. If I'm making sense.

Are you in therapy or taking any medication? I've been in that dark tunnel, and for me at least, there was an end to it. Not to say I won't be back in that tunnel again, but for now I clawed my way out and I don't see why you can't do that too. Keep the faith. It's an illness and there is treatment.

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