Depression hurting my relationship

I am very new to all of this, and I am turning to websites and forums because of lack of insurance. I just graduated college and I am currently looking for a job (which is actually going well). I've had a few breakdowns recently that have led me to want to seek help.

I've always had mild depression, always been a bit "down" but I have always been adamant about not allowing it to effect my life. I am seeking help now because I am worried it's harming my first normal and very functional relationship.

I am in a relationship, and have been for almost 2 years. I love my boyfriend and think he is an amazing person. However I had a drink too many the other night and flipped out on my current boyfriend, and the proceeded to call my ex and tell him I still loved him. First, I don't drink that often and it was a friends birthday. So this isn't a situation that will likely repeat itself anytime soon. Second, I honestly can say I miss my ex as a friend (we dated for 5 years and grew up together) but in no way have romantic feelings for him. The relationship was unhealthy, the break-up was messy and I have just recently stopped hating him. I am consciously very happy in my current relationship, but I think my depression is getting taken out on my boyfriend.

The obvious solution to this is stop drinking, and I get that part. But I want to know what's going on that caused me to do this. My self-diagnosis is that this is the first time in a year where I have had the free time to think about my life and be depressed. The depression generally causes me to unload on those closest to me. And my ex had depression issues too, so I naturally thought of him in my drunken state. My current boyfriend is a really good person and I often find myself wondering why he even likes me, but he treats me with nothing but love an respect. Maybe my depression makes me feel inferior to him and I feel the need to sabotage?

That was a bit of a rant but... I'm happy in my relationship, but not happy in general. I don't want this to hurt something that is so good. Help!

perhaps you feel like your current bf cant understand your depression as well as your ex can. Maybe that's why you called him.

You and your boyfriend should set down and have a long adult conversation about your depression and see what he knows and what he doesn't you inform in so he will know.... Tell him how you feel and how depression effects your life...

Hello, StarrySkies. My thought is you are more depressed than you will admit to yourself. When you say, " I am seeking help now," are you referring to professional help?

I hope so.

Good luck.