[siempre nada]

*Ok so I guess this is going to be one of those awkward teenager threads where I talk about my going off to college for the first time next year and my fears for the future.

Regardless its all true. I feel though that because I'm depressed and intensely socially inept these feelings are amplified more than a "regular" facing these changes. I realize that going off to college will be like a 24 hour social situation. I can't just run home when I do or say something stupid anymore, I have to live with these people. Its unavoidable and it scares the living daylights out of me. Having a safe place was one of the things that kept me..together really as I could express my feelings (i.e crying listening or to loud music) freely in my own room. And now that will be gone too. I know that my lack of good social skills will hurt me in college, and i feel like I will be for the lack of a better term "eaten alive" in such a scene. I don't know maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I'd like to strengthen my social skills before going, I'm just not sure how exactly to go about it.

[Helpmegetbetter]

Hmm have you tried practicing speaking on certain topics with a close friend or maybe a relative? It should help you to have something ready to say when you talk to someone and it'll make it easier for you to carry on a conversation. I do it all the time to help me out because I'm a bit awkward to talk to. It's helped me maybe it'll help you. Take care and good luck in college.

Hello, siempre nada. Trying something new out of your comfort zone is going to cause some anxiety. Keep in mind, you have been made it to this point. There is no reason to believe you will be unable to continue making progress as you have in the past.

Good luck.

[Ygrec23]

Dear Siempre Nada,

It's true. Going to college as a freshman can be a real problem. I remember it well. You could have been a star in high school, but college is a totally different scene. You feel that you're socially inept, but your self-perception may or may not be true. If you want to defend yourself in college and at the same time take advantage of all the good things available, you might want to start out by being quiet and a good listener to others. Then you can permit yourself to grow by adding a comment now and then. People really do like good listeners. And they seek them out. Above all, don't permit yourself to get isolated in fear of others. It may be hard to believe, but most of them feel the same way you do. That's why the listening skill is so valuable. If you really listen, if you really pay attention and show it, the people who are talking to you will become your friends for life. Their gratitude will be that intense. Because they are frightened too, deep down. And your listening to them helps them overcome that fear.

I went to college a long time ago, but I remember my first year as if it were yesterday. I had a prominent position in high school, but college was totally different. And there was no one for me to talk to, to get advice from, to explain my feelings to. Everybody in those days had to be tough. And that was really, really bad. If you can help people who are now in the position I was then, believe me, you will have as many friends as you want.

Good luck to you! And take care!

[Mike_J]

You are looking at things all wrong. I was so socially inept in Highschool, didn’t have any real friends didn’t fit in, they were the worst four years of my life.

But college is a chance to start over, everyone there will be in the same situation. Away from home for the first time, trying to make friends trying to fit in. I recommend moving into the dorms, they have their drawbacks but it will force you into the middle of college life. It might seem scary but only if you think of it in those terms, this is your chance to put the pain of Highschool in the past and leave it there.

You are stronger than you know, wiser than you believe and can endure more than you can imagine.

Going off to college is a good thing, but only if you are willing to embrace that concept. If you head off to college full of dread well you will find reasons to be depressed. But if you go with hope, just a bit of hope, that you can sort of start over, and you might be able to make things better, and if you really look for opportunities to do so (they will be there if you look for them and are willing to embrace them) then your life can change for the better in so many ways.

Good luck, and think happy thoughts. If you look for bad things you will always find them, but if you look for good things not always but sometimes you will find them, but you have to look.

Keep an open mind at the very minimum.

[MoonTurtle]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

You are looking at things all wrong. I was so socially inept in Highschool, didn’t have any real friends didn’t fit in, they were the worst four years of my life.

I agree with Mike_J. That was exactly my experience in high school - total nerd, had only a few friends, didn't really fit in and avoided other people for the most part. But in college I opened up a bit, made friends with lots of people in my dorm, and had a boyfriend for the first time in my life. Sure, it wasn't all good times, but college was a chance to start over with new people and new experiences.

Plus, if you need to get away from people, try the library. That's where I went to hide when I needed quiet time.

[jacq10]

(((hugs))), just because it seems to be the same'ol "awkward teenage thread" doesn't mean that your feelings aren't any less real or important. You fears are certainly valid.

Good news? Most College's/Universities have resources already put in place for support. I'm sure that wherever it is that you're going will have a counselling services (or an equivalent), as well as some sort of drop-in peer support centre. There are often groups that are organized for students who need X, or who are looking for support with X, etc. I'd suggest researching what your college has to offer, and seriously, SERIOUSLY, look in to it. I say seriously not because I think you *seriously* need help or anything.. but just that most people aren't even aware of the support that is available to them, and most people would benefit from the provided services.

I just finished my undergrad degree, and I can tell you that I am so so SO thankful that I was able to get the support where I did.

In terms of finding a place that is just yours... while it can certainly be tricky at times to get away from all the noise and activity in dorm rooms, there is likely a place or two on campus that you can go to in order to escape some of that for a while. When I lived in rez there was a piano room that I use to go to for some down time. Granted, I played piano so I did that, there were often sometime students who would go down there for some peace and quiet. Another couple of spots that I liked were little places in gardens around campus.. quiet fields after supper, little valley's or parks just off campus, and when in seriously need of quiet.. cubicles at the library! No jokes, you can just put in some music and fine some space either in-between book shelves (my preferred quiet space and study area), or if they're unavailable, cubicles did the trick just fine.

Anyhow, I hope some of that helps. PC was an excellent resource for me during my first year, and so if nothing else, you have this awesome online community for backup


Jacq

[turquoisesea]

#1 thing thing I would tell myself if I had to do freshman year over again:
go to social events in the first week or so. MAKE yourself go, and make an effort to meet people. Try to be friendly, and try to engage your room mates. Invite them to watch a TV show with you or go to the student dining center. It'll probably put you out of the social skills you are used to and you may even feel embarrassed sometimes, but it gets YOU out there meeting people. The more people you meet, the more likely you'll find someone you can bond with. And the more likely people will recognize you later into the year.

As far as needing a personal space - that was me too. I've always treasured MY space. Maybe you can make your part of your dorm room special and safe. It's not as good as a personal room but there are things you can do! Bring some personal items with you that have some meaning. If there are bunks, are you comfortable on the top? If so you can isolate there if needed. If on bottom, you can make a "bed fort" in most bunks with an additional blanket covering the bottom. You can say you need to sleep in the dark/are bothered by light if anyone asks. Just some random ideas for making your own space.

[Lisa Michelle]

^ Great advice from turquoisesea