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#1
Aug 11, 2005, 05:24 AM
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I know I've been away from here for ages, I thought if I kept busy I'd be ok. I've blown it again. I'm crying every day, most of the day. I've been taking more time off work. I've cut my hours so I'm only working 2 1/2 days a week instead of 5. I'm still tired tho. I stopped taking my meds for a bit (yeah, I know I shouldn't have done that). I'm back on them now tho, but the tears won't stop, I'm trying to save all of my energy for when my daughter gets home from nursery. If I can hold it together through cooking dinner, bath time and bedtime stories then I'm doing ok. Yesterday I broke down tho. I couldn't stop myself. I cried, sobbing and she kept asking me whats wrong mummy. I hate myself for letting her see me like that. I'm scared I'm screwing it all up. I am screwing it all up. I couldn't bring myself to go to the doc appointment this morning. I know there's something else wrong with my health again. The breathlessness and palpitations are back again. Stress, I guess, is causing this. I split up from my boyfriend. He is coming today to collect his things from my house. House, it's not a home anymore. That's a long story. It's just adding to everything else. I fell out with my daughters dad as well. I almost threatened him that he wouldn't see her again. What sort of a mother am I now? How could I even think that. I'm letting everyone down again and I just can't stop crying. I've never felt so alone in my life. I've never felt this low, this pathetic. It's just getting worse and worse. No one I know IRL understands. They think I'm like this because they think I'm broken hearted over my boyfriend. They don't understand I screwed that up and ended it to put him out of his misery. I just make everyone miserable.
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"Cogito Ergo Doleo" (I think therefore I am depressed) |
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#2
Aug 11, 2005, 06:09 AM
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((((((((((((((((( phoenix )))))))))))))))))))))
Things are so hard when they are like that. Could you get a relative to look after your daughter for a while so you can try to rally yourself? I hope things are better for you soon. Please try to get yourself to your dr's appt - perhaps your dr can give you something that will help.
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That's why it's such a serious thing to ask a Centaur to stay for the weekend. A very serious thing indeed. - The Silver Chair |
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#3
Aug 11, 2005, 10:47 PM
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((((((((phoenix)))))))
I hear you, and care. I hope you can get to your doc soon, tell them all about what you are experiencing. Sarah
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