[rubyblue]

OK, so I'm screwing up my courage to share some of my story with you all. From reading some other posts, I know I'm not alone when I say that I spend so much time coping that most people don't know I'm depressed. It's good to be among friends here.

At the moment I am living with my mother, who is dying of a chronic disease, and is also depressed. She is a dry alcoholic. When I was a child, she binge drank and was emotionally abusive to my brother and me. Our family was very enmeshed, but I eventually managed to leave home when I was 22, thanks to the help and support of some friends.

I am now 34. I moved back from living overseas last year, and my partner and I decided to stay with my mother 'for a few weeks' until we arranged somewhere to live. However, then he went back overseas for work, and my mother became very ill.

It's over a year later, and I'm still living with her. She's not overtly abusive anymore, but she is incredibly negative and dependent. The problem is that now she has real health problems and I feel duty bound to look after her, "as a good daughter should"(?). She has no social support, other than me.

I want to have a life -- have friends, have interests, get married and maybe have a child (not with the partner who moved os - I don't think he'll be coming back). It doesn't seem at all likely now. Actually, I feel as though my life is over. Of course I know it isn't, but it's so easy to get dragged down. This situation really sucks.

Thanks for reading.

[Rohag]

Hello, Rubyblue! Your thread's title certainly fits your present. Caring for your mother inevitably puts a tremendous strain on you and drains your own coping reserves. Life imposes the old "care vs. self-care" challenge.

I have to believe there are people out there who know how to insulate themselves while caring for a problematic other. May no source of help, aid, and good advice escape you now.