[AmDaws]

I'm again questioning my purpose as a human being. Sometimes I think we're all here for a reason, and those who suffer, those who experience nothing but grief and pain, do so for some important purpose beyond their understanding.

But other times, I think we're all just, here. We have no purpose, and thinking so is just an excuse to keep trudging through the mud.

I'm on vacation 3000 miles from home, across an ocean. I'm in the beautiful city of Edinburgh, Scotland with my dad and brother. I should be relaxed, I should be happy and having fun.

Instead I'm sitting here every night, lurking my "best friend's" Facebook and wondering why she doesn't seem to care that I'm gone. I look at myself in the mirror, compare my body, my clothes, my personality to those of the chique Europeans all around me and I feel disgusting.

I hate myself.

I'm convinced no one I love cares about my existence. They're relieved to have me gone for two weeks, why wouldn't they feel the same if I were gone forever? Every person I've ever trusted has left me after promising they never would. I refuse to believe the heartfelt sentiments of any human being I meet, because what a person sincerely means one day may completely change the next. No one will every stay by my side. No one ever has, so why the hell should I keep trying?

[lynn P.]

((AmDaws)) - I think we do have a purpose and it changes as we grow up and mature. For me, my purpose at this time in my life is to raise my daughters the best I can and to find peace with myself.

I would truly love to be where you are right now. Have you ever read about 'mindfulness' - living in the moment and making the best of that time. For now put aside all your problems and ENJOY Scotland with your father and brother. I think it would be a terrible waste to let yourself be pre-occupied with your friends and ex-partner - it's irrelevant what they think.

It's pointless to compare your looks to others - especially if you're overly critical of yourself. All you can do is be the best you can be. Don't even bother to look at models or movie stars - after 2 hrs of hair and makeup then photo shopping the pics....even they don't look like that IRL lol. Your self worth isn't found in looks or a relationship. You can still take care of yourself and be the best you can be. You need to learn to be content with yourself and feel complete on your own. That way if a person does disappoint you, you'll be okay.

[AmDaws]

Thank you lynn.

[lynn P.]

You're welcome - soak in all the beauty of Scotland and tell us all about it. I look forward to some other wise members and their contribution to this thread. I bet you never thought someone would be envious of you, when you're feeling so down.