[Little star]

What is going wrong? I'm taking my tablets,seeing the therapist,was feeling a whole lot better then out of the blue I feel like I'm back to square one again...have had a bad week and a bit,didn't want to exist anymore,not talking to anyone,not going out,generally making life miserable for all around and feeling guilty for that also.
Have today reached a stage of just feeling numb and like I'm on autopilot ..I'm so frustrated,will this depression never leave me or is it going to be an unwelcome guest forever...I do not want to live my life like this,but can't see how i will get the better of it...can't stand being controlled by this thing and feel powerless .when it has a grip on me it's like I can't make a rational decision..I can't do the meditation that was helping me,I don't want to go to the therapist and I don't want to go to the GP,don't want to look into joining a yoga group(which I told my therapist I was going to do),and don't want to see anybody/keep in touch with friends...guess it's making me feel like I'm not able to be helped as I can't let anyone in to help...but I know I have to do something to help myself,today I can see that but tomorrow who knows,how do I keep going forward and not backwards?

[justfloating]

(((((((((((little star)))))))))))))

First, remind yourself that it's OKAY to be depressed. There's nothing to feel guilty for -- you're suffering from an illness and it's going to take some time to get better. Next, remind yourself that you're NOT powerless. I know it feels that way, like the depression is totally controlling your life, but you CAN beat it. It's just a very, very slow process, but every tiny bit counts.

What works for me is to divide tasks into the smallest chunks possible. If you want to look into joining a yoga group, for example, get out your phone book or turn on your computer, and if going beyond that step seems overwhelming, stop. Leave it out where you can reach it, then go back when you feel ready. Look up a program. Look up two. When you get tired, go away, then come back. Make a phone call. Write down an address. Even if it takes you all day, if you manage to accomplish a task you set out to do, then you've fought against the depression and won that particular battle. It takes a series of smaller victories to really win this war.

As to keeping in touch with your friends ... do they know that you're depressed? Not all of mine do, but I have told the closest ones. This way when I'm feeling down or not up to conversation, I can tell them I'm "having a depression day" and they know that my not keeping in touch isn't personal, I'm just out of commission to deal with my illness for a little while. Maybe that could help alleviate some of the guilt you're feeling? Do try to keep in touch with your therapist and GP as much as possible. I know it's hard and I rarely feel like seeing mine but they're your best allies in this fight. If the depression is getting really bad you might want to ask about altering your meds. This could be as simple as your dosage needing to be upped.

Anyway, good luck and keep us posted on how you're doing. I know you can beat this thing!!!

[Little star]

Hi Rebecca,

thank you so much for your wise advise...you are so right..couldn't see or didn't want to see,anyway,have taken some things on board,and today have managed to look up some info on yoga courses,not made any contacts yet but am feeling better that at least i have made a start..am trying not to let myself get too overwhelmed by everything and today am taking a step or three back and just being still..have done as much as i can today,but tomorrow is another day...my trouble is iam just used to charging through life and doing three million things all at once and usually getting them all done and now i don't feel able to do that,and whats more others are too used to me doing that as well that it's a bit of a shock not to be able to do that,and for others to hear no,sorry i can't do that today...thanks for listening i feel like iam still above the water for now,not sank yet...