I'm losing it.

Here's the situation.

We lost our house this year, a few months ago. Here's the damage:

I owe the Army ten thousand dollars they never paid me.

I owe I don't know how much on a school loan I only took on to help my sister.

We owe the home owner six thousand dollars.

We owe back taxes in an amount I'm not sure of.

We owe other people (utility companies, banks and so forth) a lot of money as well (these are my father's debts, and he isn't sharing).

I make nine dollars an hour. He makes barely enough to keep gas in the car.

We're living in my sister and brother-in-law's house 'long enough to get on our feet'. It's me, my parents, my younger sister and my one-year-old daughter.

This was working okay until the car we're borrowing from them (eight years old) started to break down, and my brother-in-law (who is not a good person) blamed my father.

Brother-in-law decided to call a family meeting tonight.

Basically what he wanted was for us to come up with a miracle solution on the spot and get out of their house. All of this more or less happened because he was complaining about having to help out family to a friend of his and his friend's advice was to ditch his wife and her family and he decided at least one part of that was doable.

A friend of his is going to sell us an ancient RV and we're supposed to make payments on that and rent for a lot to put it on and whatever utilities come with it and still try to get me back and forth to work (with what car?) and feed ourselves.

Originally the point was for us to stay long enough to get our debts paid and then move out, but he's getting impatient and now he just wants us gone.

He got mad at me because when he asked my parents what they thought I wanted to do with my life I stood up and told him I would be there for my family for as long as I had to be, because that's what I want to do with my life.

I made him feel selfish, which he should.

This, on the night before the biggest sale weekend the retail outfit I work for has had in a long time.

It's midnight, and I can't sleep. I want to cry but I'm sleeping in the living room with my little sister and I can't let her see me like that.

I have to be the strong one, as usual. The put together one. The one with a plan.

I'm not.

All I can think right now is what I'm going to do with myself and my daughter if we have no place to go.

All I can think is that I'll have to take her, move into the apartments behind the place I work and beg one of the guys there to ask his wife if she can watch my daughter while I work.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to think.

Dad suggested we all pray, and that's good advice to people who deserve God's help, but I'm not a good person and I don't, not really.

So I don't think He's got any reason to help.

I'm still going to pray.

That's all I can do.

Please don't delete my post for that mention, I don't mean to offend anyone with my beliefs. You're more than welcome to believe whatever you choose, this is just mentioned because it's part of what I'm going through.

I don't know how I'm going to keep it together at work tomorrow.

My brother-in-law, who just successfully shot his wife's family in the head with his selfishness, is driving me to work tomorrow in his truck.

I don't know what to do.

I have nowhere to go.

If it comes down to losing my baby to the government because I have no place to live, I have to abandon the family I've worked my whole life to support and protect in favor of her stability and security.

I know that.

But it will break my damn heart.

This has kicked my depression into full swing, and I'm lost.

I think I'm going to throw on something warm, go outside, smoke and call the suicide hotline.

I'm not going to kill myself, don't worry. I'm not selfish, like my brother-in-law.

I just need someone to talk to, and I need them now.

omg ,i am sorry for you ,you are not a bad person and of course you deserve god s help ,i will pray for you and for your baby

Inky you are so mature for your age. I admire you.

http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/
http://www.parentingforums.org/forum.php

You might find some info among the people that are a part of these forums. good luck.

((((((((((((( Inky )))))))))))))

*hugs* (((((((((((Inky)))))))))))))

Thank you for continueing to keep up in the loop. I wish so badly that I had a way out for you - a way to make your problems disappear. Have you thought of having your family declare bankrupcy(spl)? A way to start over.... And moving into the apartment behind your place of work maybe the answer to your situation. Do you think your sister would thought your parents out onto the curb? I don't think it would go that far, that they would be that heartless. You love your family so much and sacrifice so much for them - you are a GOOD person! You are a rare person - so full of love for your family. I too would do what I could for my family if they needed me. My son may need to move home if his cancer has returned and is really bad. It would be a change for us, but we will do it with love and compassion. Family is family and should always have a place in our home, as humble as it may be. I hope your brother-in-law has a change of heart.
God Bless you, Inky. I hope that you will PM me again some time. Remember you have a huge following here at PC - so many people care and love you.
Thank you for call the Suicide Hotline. I hope they were able to help you. Hugs to you!!!