inferior in comparison

I watch quite a bit of TV. You see where i was born, South Africa, we never grew up with TV. The year i left, TV was introduced into the country. When i watch I compare myself to all the more fortunate people than me: the people who have achieved a lot (it seems they have done this effortlessly) the people who feel so at ease in front of the camera, the people who are happier than me. And so every time i watch TV I feel down and sad because my life has been difficult. You see I havent worked much. Only 2 years (as a librarian)before I left SA. It seems that women here consider their job as being essential to there confidence and well being. I have always done courses, volunteered and done community work, but this isnt considered "work" in the real sense of the word. i have not learned "street smarts" and independence I would like to feel confident in myself just for being me. I have made a success in raising my son, but he lives far away and I cant bask in reflected glory!
dawnhopeful

TV isn't a good reflection of real life. What we see may be the 20th try after 19 failures. The people wear especially lovely clothes provided for them, have people who attend to their looks to be sure they look young and pretty.

You have many good personal accomplishments. I consider courses, volunteering and community work to be real work and valuable work. Things like that have a value whether money is exchanged or not. Successfully raising your son is priceless! You have given many valuable gifts to the world community with all of your giving.

My therapist pointed out to me that when I compare I set myself up to come out looking not good. You choose to compare yourself with tv representations of successful people, or maybe real people who are very exceptional and that is why they are on tv. You could also admire them without comparing yourself to them.
Instead of "They are..., and I'm not" it can be "They are, and I admire that" That might lead to thinking about what you would like to add to your life. It might even lead to some self reflection and the discovery that, when defining qualities that you admire, in the context of you, they are there and part of you after all.

TV is make believe I used to enjoy watching tv but now I look and see thats its all an illusion only problem is people start to believe they can live the way everyone does. The worst is the reality progammes. Its all manufactured and ordinary people start to emmulate the crap that happens. What you do is worthwhile. I do a worthwhile job as well but as soon as I mention what I do its like I am not worth anything in the persons eyes. Everyone want to live like they are a star and are better off than they are but you know what if it wasnt for the ordinary person doing the cleaning looking after all the mundane stuff at the bottom the ones that think they are too good to do the menail stuff would not be where they are. I know people who I meet and get on with very well but the minute they find out that I am a carer they'll say oh you mean you are a nurse or social worker when I say no I am a carer I go look after people in their homes then their whole attitude change. Because I speak well and can hold a decent converstion they expect that I would be some sort of proffesional. I have a friend who studied for her degrees and got very upset when the set of people she hung out with didn't act the way she expected when she gained the degree she owns houses and is very business savvy but the people that she is trying to prove herself too still wont accept her. She admits that it hurts sometimes but she still aspires to be one of the crowd. I have had so many knock backs in my life that sometimes I wonder how I manage to still be here. I dread each day that I wake up rarely do I have good day even if someone complements me or says something encorigin to me I think they cant mean me. I feel awful about myself all the time. But you know what I brought up three good children that are confident and out going. I am just glad they did not turn out like me. They are worried about me but dont now what to do to help me out of this pit I am in. I wish I had the courage to do what you do. voluntary work is very rewarding and giving your time to help people just show what a good person you are but unfortunetly if you havent a "career doing something flashy and making loads of money" you are looked down on. I admire you.

It is interesting to me that people in this day and age always compare themselves to things they perceive are better than or richer or prettier or wealthier than they are but very few compare their lives to those much less fortunate

If they could truly see those in genuine lack they would bow their heads and offer what they have and see that they have much and it is a matter of learning to use what they do have to the betterment of all

Morgana