Anger and depression from leaving unhealthy church

Hi all,

Not sure where to post this.

About a year ago I left a church that I was heavily into after realising that it was a very unhealthy place. It was a charismatic/evangelical church that had some very peculiar teachings (that got steadily more peculiar as time went on).

I left because I was threatened after I asked (polite) questions about how the church was spending its money. I was so shocked to suddenly see the true face of people I trusted. I lost a lot of friends leaving the church and it's taken me about a year to de-brainwash myself from the BS I was taught.

My personality became very dark, very stressed, very angry after I left. I felt lied to, cheated, robbed. I felt an idiot for believing what I believed and for trusting people in the church. I lost most of my friends and a sense of purpose. I suffered depression badly. I've always had depression but this was the most severe it had been for several years.

I get very angry when I remember the church and the things I used to say and believe and how I was taken for a ride. (The pastor used to joke in sermons by thanking us for paying for his retirement home! I now know that this probably wasn't a joke!).

I'm posting because I would like to know what people would recommend I do for counselling? I don't feel the need to have professional counselling but I would like to be able to talk about this with someone and unload some of the emotion somehow.

I get very angry about this sometimes. When I remember something that someone said back then or some absolutely ridiculous thing that I believed I find myself swearing and shaking my head and then the anger builds up. I just need some help really.

TL;DR: - I left an unhealthy church and would like to know where to go to get some help.

Thx

On the move, have you left the faith as a whole or are you looking for something that can help you heal after having left that particular church and can help you rebuild your faith and your psyche? Depending on how you feel, there would be different answers.

I've left the faith as a whole. I'm not an atheist but I don't want any kind of spiritual program.

OK. Hmm. There is a program called Fundamentalists anonymous, for epeople who used to belong to chuches which were very restrictive, etc and were burned by them,and need recovery. It might be helpful to meet others who have been in a similar situation. I haven't been to a meeting, but it might be worth checking on the webb and seeing if there is a meeting near you. Otherwise, I think that any good psychologist or therapist could help you with the trust and betrayal issues that would be giving you trouble with this. It sounds like a simply awful experience. Jeeze, it's not like you don't have a right to know!
Huggs and good luck!

Thank you. I knew something like that had to exist but I just didn't know where to look and all my google searches ended up at christian sites.

Thanks again.

we too left an extremely abusive controlling church almost 2 years ago and have still not gotten past the devastation it brought to us and like you it was a charismatic/evangelical church. we are reading a book called "subtle abuse of spiritual authority" and its been a tremendous help so far. we cant recall the authors off the top of our head but if you google it it will show up. we highly recommend it if you feel up to reading it. it hasnt removed our anger but its helping us to feel very validated in how we feel

Hi onthemove,

I don't know if this may be helpful to you. But awhile ago I saw a very moving episode of this show that talked about people who had been a part of a group and then lost the connection and felt hurt and devistated. It is totally understandable. Here, they refer to the groups as "cults" but I think this could simply mean any group that leaves a person feeling stripped of an important part of their humanity. I refer to it mainly because they mention a program at the Wellspring Institute. They run a program designed to help those who have suffered "spiritual abuse." If you contact them, they may be able to provide you with some helpful information.

Here is the center's link:
http://wellspringretreat.org/

and here is a part of the episode I found online. Although this part is about a woman who spent time in a yoga group, rather than a church that was Christian in nature.
http://www.thatsfit.com/2009/09/01/s...men-yoga-cult/

This was the quote that seemed to mirror a bit of what you got across in your post...
"I poured all of that passion and everything I had into this group and somebody's going to tell me that it's not real, that they're conning everyone... It felt like someone died."

Sending warm wishes your way...
Elana

Thanks again for all the replies, I'll check out all the suggestions made. Thx for the support!

Welcome to the PC (PsychCentral) Community. There alot of great folks here and great information.

Im sorry your were deceived in that way. First of all you shouldnt feel bad or stupid. People make mistakes and they grow from them, your smarter now then you were then.. There are bad people everywhere and its even more disgraceful when you find it in a church. I dont think all religious people are like that but its understandable that you dont want to be religious anymore. I hope you can find peace somehow and release some of that anger so you can enjoy the rest of your life.

we fully get this .heh wow so it isnt just me . ok thanks .squeeze/peaceout

No, jeeminy. Unfortunately, there are a lot of messed up institutions out there and lots of folks hurt by them. Faith in anything has to be handled with care and respect. Exploiting and crushing it can crush the whole soul. HUggs all.

I do recommend the book TrinityDancer mentioned The subtle Power of Spiritual Abuseby Johnson Van Vonderen.

We find abusive people in all walks of our society. Power can corrupt. The pursuit of power corrupts as well.

Thinking of you....