[starry_eyed131]

I've always struggled with self injury and "depression"; that being said, I've never talked to a therapist in my life, so I don't really know that thats whats going on... but something is.

My boyfriend is gone, all the time, no matter how many promises he makes that he will be here and help me with the house and how sick I've been feeling now that the pregnancy is getting further along. I keep finding porn in our internet history of girls who look exactly like this girl he cheated on me with a few months ago.

I'm not a violent person. I've never hit anybody, or been a fly off the handle type. But lately it seems like all I can do is freak out and scream until my face is red and then cry and cry and cry when he leaves. I catch myself thinking about horrible things, like wanting to hurt him or my cat.

I feel lost and depressed every day for weeks now... I haven't left this bed in three days. I don't want to eat, or get up, or shower, or anything. I sleep 16+ hours a day, or no sleep at all for days at a time. When I'm alone I hear footsteps in our kitchen and people opening the cupboards even when nobody's home. If I'm really stressed out (this has only happened twice) I start thinking horrible things about myself, things I can't even repeat on here and no matter what I try to do to distract myself they just force their way back in.

There is nothing in this world I want more than to see a therapist. I've always been against the idea, but if there's the slightest chance it could make this.... helplessness go away, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I just dont have any money or any insurance or have any contacts to anybody who could help. I'm at a loss, and I'm scared I'm going to really hurt somebody.

[lynn P.]

You mention you're pregnant - have you spoke to your doctor about how depressed you are? Are you on medication for depression? I think you need to tell your doctor exactly how you're feeling. I'm sorry you're not well and you need help so you can take care of yourself and your unborn baby. For now don't worry about your boyfriend - you and your baby are top priority right now.

[CandleLight123]

Definately I would talk to your OBGYN about how you are feeling. I know when I was pregnant I was extremely emotional and didnt know how to handle all of the feelings. I wasnt able to take any medications due to health problesms but he referred me to an excellent therapist who helped me throuought my pregnancy and helped me learn ways to deal with my emotions and hormones while pregnant. I also joined a prego yoga group which not only helped my body feel and look better but also helped to release some negative energy.

[amber1011]

I agre with the pp's about talking to your OBGYN. Also, I think you need to talk to your boyfriend about the porn, etc if it upsets you. Especially if he has cheated before, it can be hard to find that stuff. Set boundaries in your relationship. If he can't stay within those boundaries, you may have to consider what is REALLY best for you and your baby in the long run.