Hello folks

I think the last time I wrote was right after I had a huge panic attack in my counselors office. Well a lot has happened since then, and a lot has come of it. I used that panick to do a few things. After I calmed down, and was able to look at things in a rational way, instead of a freaked out way, I took my life into MY OWN hands instead of letting somebody else figure it out for me. I proved to myself that I could control things in my life. My financial woes; I worked them out without anybody else helping me. I usually make my hubby do it, but NOT thid time. This time I did it, and I must tell you, I fell pretty D*(%^ good about it!!!!!!!
Anyway, I had counseling yesterday, and to make a long story short, I told him that I was quitting counseling, because I had to start standing on my own instead of being dependant on him. Although he agreed about the latter part of that statement, he convinced me, after some really honest talking, he convinced me to slow down. and instead of quitting totally, meeting with him only once a month. If that works out, than maybe once every two months and so on. Sort of wheening myself off it. I admitted to him that it was like I was adicted to counseling, and I have to stop it. He and I had the most honest conversation I think I have ever had with him. He did warn me that I may feel like I am falling again, by not doing the counseling thing, and I was free to call him at any time and perhaps instead of a full session, he could do a phone thing.
I am so excited about this, but at the same time, it is very scary. For the past 8 years I have been in and out of counseling, and hospitals, and now I can actually see the end of the tunnel. I am just not sure about my readiness of this. Yes I feel ready, but it just scares the hell out of me. It is like that roller coaster ride...Yeah I love roller coasters, but when I am on the ride, I am scared to death.

Anyway, I am off to bed.

Love to you all
bren

This is such a positive post, Bren! I'm glad you're feeling in control again. Deciding what's going to happen in your own life rather than letting others decide is so empowering. I hope things continue to improve for you and I hope you won't forget we're here if you ever need any support or encouragement .

Bren,

This is great. I am so proud that you took the bull by the horns and worked out some money issues you were having with out help. That is great and you should give yourself a big pat on the back.

As far as the counselling goes, only you yourself know what you need. I think recognizing that your at a point in your life that you want to do this on your own and actually speaking with your therapist about it honestly and openly, more big kudo's for you. I think weening yourself down from therapy is probably the best thing. I also wouldnt be looking for a downfall from doing it this way either. Of course, it is a scary step to take here. I mean after 8 years of therapy and hospitals who wouldnt be scared. But, you can do it. I have followed your posts Bren and to me, you have made some great strides, something that you should be really proud of. I wish you all the luck and please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.


Hugs,


Jen