My Story-Readers Digest Version

My first official post.

Man I could have posted this in either the depression or anxiety forums. lol

Anyway....here's the deal.

Was suffering with undiagnosed depression for years. Self medicated with alcohol.

Got to the point where wife said, stop drinking or else.
kept drinking.
Or else came;
Came home from work one day in 2008 and found my wife and kids had moved out and she had filed for divorce.

That night I attempted suicide.

Next day I went to AA.

We remained seperated for 10 months. During that time I had made numerous attempts. Spent a week in the hospital. Had myself committed.

Struggled with alcohol for approx 8 more months. Finally was released from that grip.

For most of those 8 months, the only emotions I trusted were pain and helplessness.

One day, at another forum, I started talking with a woman. We became fast friends and started talking on the phone everynight. It turned into a whirlwind romance that last for 2 months.

She helped me gain perspective and I learned to love again. To this day, I hold a very special place in my heart for her.

My wife saw the progress I was making. By this time I was going to church every Sunday having joined the churches praise band.

And last August we reunited. We have been together since.

However I am not cured. Since that time, anxiety has crept into the picture. And while I am on my meds, sometimes, anxiety and situational depression like to do a one two punch on me.

It as recently as a week ago almost knocked me out, as I considered again, ending it all. Once again I scared my wife, my friends and colleagues in the band, and ended up in the hospital for several hours.

I now have a new Pdoc. Tons of meds....and still there isnt a day that goes by when I wonder if today will be the day.

That's it in a nutshell! Ok so it's a cashew shell.

Hugs to you forpetessake. I wish you the best and hope you can find some peace and stability in your life. Great that you have a pdoc. Do you have a T? I think one could really help you. Take care.

I've been there, and you know what? 2 1/2 years after I made an attempt, my son (19) did the same. Somebody once told me, "when you feel like you can't live for yourself, live for your kids."

So my advise is...get through today for your kids, and then do the same thing tomorrow.

Peace.

Forpetesake, welcome, and heres to your stength. Youare still here, and still fighting. that's what counts. This is not an easy disease to deal with and it takes no prisoners, in spite of how it feels. HUGGGS and hoping to hear more form you!

Thanks guys....what's a T?

a psychologist or therapist.

Nevermind,,,therapist..got it! Doh!