[cooper610]

This past year has been especially difficult for us. His best friend and my best friend died. His mother was suffering with ovarian cancer and passed away in May. My uncle and cousin died. In April, he began to have a melt down with him being hospitalized in May. He started having problems with his sleep, intense anxiety, sadness, crying and suicidality. His work situation played a big part in the stress that he put himself under. They were making changes. Starting classes for supervisors and working foremen(his job title) and computer usuage. My husband can't read and write. He has managed all these years by using his memory and became obsessed with the situation above and lost it. By the way, we have hired tutors in the past and he's gone to adult literacy programs with no progress. But he's had so many other talents( carpentry-he could build anything he wanted or make repairs: he could do electrical wiring; he could work on cars, even owning his own garage and used car business, of course I did the paper work; he could do plumbing). Now he is so anxious and depressed that he's unable to do anything. He's had lots of med changes and as yet no improvement. He feels he's being punished for something, his past sins. I've tried to tell him to take it one day at a time. He's trying to work as the psychiatrist said you can work with depression and anxiety. But I feel he shouldn't be working, he just can't function. He constantly complains of memory loss and not being able to think. He comes home every evening complaining of having a bad day. I'm at my wits end. I used to get up every morning with him and see him off to work. I've quit this as I can't take it morning and night anymore. Nothing I say to him gets through to him. I try to be patient and point out all the positive things in his life to him. He comes up with excuses as to why they're not positive. He's sure they're going to fire him and we'll lose everything we have. I know it's hard to have a positive outlook on life when you're depressed but surely there is someway to get through to him. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Hello, cooper. Yes, depression and anxiety are difficult to deal with. My thought is to tell the psychiatrist the treatment is not working. Even the strongest need help sometimes. Your husband needs to get his medications adjusted or changed. He likely would benefit from therapy too. He has self-esteem issues that need addressing.

Has your husband been tested for learning disabilities? I think he should be if not. He might want to ask the psychiatrist or therapist if it is a good idea for your husband to tell his employer he cannot read or write. Who knows, the company may help him learn or make other accommodations. Also, the professionals may have some ideas to help him learn. Tennessee has this program:

slincs.coe.utk.edu/pdf/Read-Write-Spell.pdf -

You need to take care of yourself too. I think it is important for you to attend some therapy sessions with your husband if he is in therapy. If you can, you might talk about how your husband's problems are affecting you and what you may do to help him.

Perhaps these articles may help:

• Eliminate Outdated Attitudes on Mental Health
• Tipper Gore on Mental Illness
• 10 Ways to Help Someone Who’s Depressed
• You Can’t Fight Depression Alone
• Worst Things to Say to Someone Who’s Depressed
• Best Things to Say to Someone Who’s Depressed

I wish you both the best.