[dinosgorawr16]

Last week, I went job shadowing at a local middle school where I live. I was job shadowing one of the schools Language Arts teachers. And while I was shadowing, I had this sense of "Yeah! I can do this!" but now, a week later, I feel that I'm just going to end up like a failure with no career whatsoever. I mean, who is going to want to hire a teacher that has depression and has to wear a fake smile the majority of the time? What child is going to respond to a teacher like that?

And, even though teaching is my Plan B, I still feel that even if I went with Plan A (novelist), I'd still be a failure.

It's always like this. I can never see myself as successful, and always look at the dark side. Take a test? Failed it. Try to find a career so I don't end up like my parents? Failure.

I hate this. I hate not feeling like I'm not good at anything or have any purpose whatsoever. It just makes me want to curl up into a ball and die.

Hello, dinosgorawr16.

http://depressiontoolkit.org/takecar..._self_talk.asp
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/fix...e-distortions/

Henry Ford on success: "Whether you think you can or think you can't - you are right."

[Rohag]

Hi, Dinosgorawr16! In another place you said,

Originally Posted by dinosgorawr16

...as for the stress at home: Living at home has always been a very mentally hostile environment. My dad is.... an extremely angry person pretty much all the time. He does not abuse me or any family member... he just yells. A lot. Nothing pleases him. [Emphasis mine - Rohag]

Here you say,

Originally Posted by dinosgorawr16

I can never see myself as successful, and always look at the dark side.

I'm no expert, but those may be related. At the very least, this is something to explore. Self-help or therapy directed at building up your "psychological boundary strength" -- with special reference to your father's influence -- could be helpful.

[madisgram]

i'm sorry you are feeling so down. when we are depressed the whole world has a dark cloud. we lose the perspective of how things really are. do you see a T for your depression and pdoc? if so i'd suggest you speak with them asap. many times our meds may stop working or they need to be tweaked. hope this is just the case so you can start to feel better. i go from hopeless to optimistic when i tweak my meds.
but you aren't a failure and teachers are needed. i know it takes so much mental energy when we paste a smile on our face but feel so badly. hopefully you'll get the help you need so your smile is real and you will also know you are not a failure. i certainly don't think you are a failure. you got thru school and accomplished further education. that is certainly suceess.

[dinosgorawr16]

I'm not on meds nor am I seeing a therapist.

And maybe it does have something to do with my dad, but I highly doubt it.

I'm not even finished with high school yet and I already feel like a failure. >_< I wish it'd stop.