[anjelmarie]

Thinking about the holiday season has me down in the dumps and i have a constant lump in my throat. I have no plans. The last several years i haven't done anything. Used to go to my family but since my Mom died the family has collapsed, were all estranged and everyone is doing their own thing. I rarely speak to anyone anymore and no one contacts me. I try not to let it get to me but when the holidays come i just think of how things used to be and i get down. I don't have many friends, the ones i do are not in the area and have their own lives. I don't have much to do with my bfs family, i can't deal with them. My depression seems to be getting worse, the meds don't work, i don't think meds will ever work on me. My Dr. knows how i feel there not much he can do. We have changed my meds a few times already. I'm just unhappy with my life and feel helpless to change it. I'm very negative and it turns people off. I'm ashamed of how my life has turned out and therefore shut people out. Don't know how to be happy or how to be content. I read all kinds of self help books but they are no help either. Just need to Vent thats all.

[Soul Quake]

Go to a soup kitchen and volunteer on Thanksgiving. Sorry if you don't care for a suggestion.

[ECHOES]

Vents are good. I hope it helped
I am so sorry that you lost your mom, the person who held the family together.
Maybe other family members feel like you do? Maybe you could be the one to bring everyone together. It wouldn't have to be on the holiday, but possibly just a "let's get together for coffee". Sometimes when a parent passes away, it takes a lot of very directed work to make new opportunites to bring family together.

Do you see a therapist? Having a therapist is a wonderful connection to self help. Feels so good to have someone there who cares about our well-being.

I feel the same way as you about how my life has turned out, and I also shut people out. In therapy we talked about this and how it has to do with my comparing myself to others, and my focusing on differences. Comparing is like judging and it creates a 'winner' and a 'loser' and guess where I put myself, every time... And differences, well they make life interesting but I use them to self judge and I damage relationships. I damage relationships with people who are accepting of the differences; who see differences but those differences don't matter to them, they care about me anyways. Hard to accept that caring, so I focus on the differences and push them away.
That person is successful, and I am not. That person has a college degree, and I do not. That person is so emotionally stable, that person doesn't spend time dwelling on stuff, etc etc. On and on and just ways to berate myself, to judge myself. To judge myself, declare myself unworthy and incapable, further holding me back from the life I want and alienating me from those more successful, more emotionally healthy, more fun personality people who accept me even when I don't accept me.

Working on these things in therapy is very helpful, and it's so nice to have someone there for me as I do the work.

I hope you have a peaceful day today

[Rohag]

Just for reference...

Coping with the Holidays Guide PC Special Report (links)
Holiday Stress: A Resourceful Survivor’s Guide By Sherrie Mcgregor, Ph.D.
Coping with Thanksgiving PC Special Report (links)
Alone During the Holidays? Join the Crowd By Laurie Stoneham
Holiday Traditions By Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D.