[ChitownMisfit]

Hey There,

I am in my early twenties and am searching towards a deeper discovery of myself. There are many facets to me, much like any other person, but the therapy I have been going through has not helped me as much as I thought it would.

For as long as I remember, I have been on and off with immensely high feelings of anxiety. When I was very young, I would fear being left at school by my mother so I would cry. I would cry a lot. After a while I was able to function without the presence of her while I was at school (I was in first grade, so I don't know if that is linked to my issues in my grown life.)

As I grew older throughout grammar school, I was teased and picked on, but I confided in a few close friends until it seemed to subside when I joined the football team and started kickin ***! I felt accepted when I proved myself to be a great football player. Looking back on it, I do not remember if I even wanted to play, but it gave me relief from the other children.

There were a few girls that were my "girlfriends" through these times but my first girlfriend was stolen by one of my fellow "friends" and I remember being crushed. I know I cannot blame him because she went along with it too. I am not sure if this is important in why I feel this anxiety but I remember it hurting me very badly.

As I grew older, I began to gain much more confidence in my life. I got a hold on a lot of things except for the area of relationship.

In high schools I met a girl and we dated until my last year of college. This relationship was quite long. We grew apart because we were so young. To this day, I feel pain and have nightmares from this relationship. I was depressed and anxious while in the relationship, but when it ended I fell deeper and deeper into a hole.

My main problem is that I am having immense trouble attempting to start a relationship with someone. There are many women that I have spent time with, but I yearn to be more intimate with them. My mind does not allow it. It is very painful to have these thoughts and desires crushed by something I am not aware of. I do not know where to start.

I have started to separate myself from the rest of the world slowly as it is making my life much more comfortable. I feel lonely at times, but without these risks to take towards women and the challenges of life, I feel much less pain.

I do not know if this has to do with my age or if it has manifested its way into me after all of these years. If someone could offer any advice I will forever be grateful. I have trouble asking for help, but I am in dire need of it now.

Sincerely,

ChitownMisfit

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by ChitownMisfit

Hey There,

I am in my early twenties and am searching towards a deeper discovery of myself. There are many facets to me, much like any other person, but the therapy I have been going through has not helped me as much as I thought it would.

somtimes we need to find another therapist if one does not work out - what exactly did you want out of therapy ? if you dont mind sharing

For as long as I remember, I have been on and off with immensely high feelings of anxiety. When I was very young, I would fear being left at school by my mother so I would cry. I would cry a lot. After a while I was able to function without the presence of her while I was at school (I was in first grade, so I don't know if that is linked to my issues in my grown life.)

perhaps it wasnt handled properly when you first went to school - a lot of schoools didnt handle seperation anxiety well and this could have made it worse.

As I grew older throughout grammar school, I was teased and picked on, but I confided in a few close friends until it seemed to subside when I joined the football team and started kickin ***! I felt accepted when I proved myself to be a great football player. Looking back on it, I do not remember if I even wanted to play, but it gave me relief from the other children.

IM sorry that happened to you - but im glad you found a way out of the bullying

There were a few girls that were my "girlfriends" through these times but my first girlfriend was stolen by one of my fellow "friends" and I remember being crushed. I know I cannot blame him because she went along with it too. I am not sure if this is important in why I feel this anxiety but I remember it hurting me very badly.

As I grew older, I began to gain much more confidence in my life. I got a hold on a lot of things except for the area of relationship.

In high schools I met a girl and we dated until my last year of college. This relationship was quite long. We grew apart because we were so young. To this day, I feel pain and have nightmares from this relationship. I was depressed and anxious while in the relationship, but when it ended I fell deeper and deeper into a hole.

you say you were depressed and anxious while in the relationship - do you know why? if you are having nightmares it must have been traumatic for you - perhaps a T could help you workk through this as it seems its still in your mind


My main problem is that I am having immense trouble attempting to start a relationship with someone. There are many women that I have spent time with, but I yearn to be more intimate with them. My mind does not allow it. It is very painful to have these thoughts and desires crushed by something I am not aware of. I do not know where to start.

Do you ahve female friends? somtimes that is a good place to start...... can you listen to your self talk around these times and dispute them?

I have started to separate myself from the rest of the world slowly as it is making my life much more comfortable. I feel lonely at times, but without these risks to take towards women and the challenges of life, I feel much less pain.

My T used to call this "short term gain - long term Pain " I seperated myself from others for over 30 years - wasted all that time when i coudl have maybe had a relationship, children , who knows, if you take no risks - you feel less pain but also less joy, less happiness, and as the distance between you and those things grow - you forget what they are and how good they felt - just my opinion ok.

I do not know if this has to do with my age or if it has manifested its way into me after all of these years. If someone could offer any advice I will forever be grateful. I have trouble asking for help, but I am in dire need of it now.

Im glad you are reaching out - thats very brave - asking for help is so very hard to do - dont wait as long as i did - life is for living - not existing

Sincerely,

ChitownMisfit

I dont know if any of this helped and ij sure others will have some good advice - like going out in a group of friends and meeting peiople that way in a safer less stresful way - i hope you will keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.

P7

[Leed]

Hi - I'm sorry you're having such trouble. Anxiety is often hard to figure out since it tends to be so deep seated.

I'm just guessing, but I'm wondering if perhaps this might be related to separation anxiety. You were extremely anxious when left at school. You had alot of trouble when your girlfriend was taken from you, plus when you broke up with your girlfriend after several years of being together you now have nightmares. This sure speaks of separation anxiety to me - or there might be another "name" for it - but that's all I can think of. LOL

That type of anxiety can be rooted deeply, and naturally you'll need help in dealing with it. Hasn't your therapist ever mentioned this to you? If not, then bring it up to him. Ask him if it's possible this could be plaguing you.

I wish you the very best - I've been in and out of therapy most of my life. My last therapist was wonderful - she basically saved my life! God bless and PLEASE keep us posted, ok? Hugs, Lee