[Chaddiwicker]

I would say that my latest bout with depression has lasted 5 years. Sometimes, I think I should be better. I've tried many different meds. Some work for a while then stop. I've had a couple of "good" weeks here or there, but mostly the depression is constant.

I have done best when I lived alone (only going to necessary appointments), and had a therapist who supported me in doing that. Everyone else wants me to participate in the world, which leads to anxiety for me.

I worry that people don't believe me when I say that I still feel depressed and that I have been for 5 years.

I have what I consider 1 maybe 2 good days a week. When I feel good, I feel guilty because I think I should start doing all the things right then that I haven't been doing for the last five years so I don't really even enjoy my "good" days.

Yesterday was an above average day for me. Actually got a cover letter done for a job I'm going to apply for even though there's little chance I'll get it once they see I haven't done anything for 5 years. Mood is going down hill today. Beating myself up for being unreliable (due to depression), for all my past lies and mistakes. Feeling hopeless about the future.

Does it ever end? What's the point?

[Mustkeepjob32]

Chad,

Don't beat yourself about the past. Easier said than done. It's often the beaing ourselves up that starts us down a negative spiral. Be proud of yourself about that cover letter. I think they are hard and I always cringe at the though of doing one; I haven't done one for years.
As far as your question, I have had depression since I was a young teenager. Major Depressive Disorder during certain parts of my life but definitely dysthymia throughout the entire years. I don't expect to ever totally get rid of all depression, but when I feel OK, I do hope to at least to get a steady level where I enjoy life more than not.

Z

[Lilleth]

From since childhood. Its always with me sometimes I can keep going and just be glad for the good days inbetween but this year has been a bummer I cant seem to shake it off and if I get a little relief it does not last. You get scared to enjoy the times that you feel alright as you dread it passing and you are back in hell again.

[Elana05]

Thanks for this thread, Chadd.
I had bouts of depression at other times (about 16, 17 years old) but I didn't really identify it as depression. This more major depression has lasted about three years. But it's the first time I addressed it and went to therapy... so I have been in therapy now for three years. I struggle with not taking meds due to my fear of them after a bad experience(I am frustrated with myself over it). But I have found some help from taking large doses of Kira St. John's Wort, which does knock out some of the depression for me. (Though I know it's not for everyone - really meant more to treat mild depression than the moderate form I have). Blah. Anyway, I can relate to your feeling like "it's taking too long."

One thing here that has kept me trying to stay hopeful is that it is a myth that we know what's going on with other people. The person who looks (to us) like they have it all together, probably doesn't. Everybody struggles. Depression has a way of telling us that we are the only ones who feel this way. But it is an illusion...
Just keep taking baby steps to do everything and anything you can do to take care of yourself. There is no time frame. Just as there wouldn't be with any other illness, every day would just be a new day to work on healing.

Sending supportive thoughts your way...

E

[Fresia]

Depression can last short periods or even longer periods than that. Nothing to be ashamed about; it happens and we to what we can to get by and move forward from there.

I personally wouldn't tell a job I have been depressed for 5 years though because there can be a prejudice or bias in your hiring even though it may have nothing to do with your work performance; I would tell them if they ask about the gap that, 'I took time off to address a medical issue and am ready to return to work.' I have a 10 year hiatus of not working due to my illness and when I went back to school and to work, this what was recommended to me by the employment and disabilities office, is a sufficient explanation and they cannot ask what was the issue. If down the road you run into issues that the depression impacts your work, then there would need to be a further discussion with HR or or boss to disclose it but not until then.

Also, lots of people are returning to work after being out for all sorts of reasons, education, raising families, caring for family members, medical issues, unemployment,... a gap in work history is not so uncommon these days. You are prepared with a good explanation for yours.

Good job on getting your cover letter done. Best of luck as you move forward in your hunt and be sure to take good care of yourself. You can do it.

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by Chaddiwicker

I would say that my latest bout with depression has lasted 5 years. Sometimes, I think I should be better. I've tried many different meds. Some work for a while then stop. I've had a couple of "good" weeks here or there, but mostly the depression is constant.

I have done best when I lived alone (only going to necessary appointments), and had a therapist who supported me in doing that. Everyone else wants me to participate in the world, which leads to anxiety for me.

I worry that people don't believe me when I say that I still feel depressed and that I have been for 5 years.

I have what I consider 1 maybe 2 good days a week. When I feel good, I feel guilty because I think I should start doing all the things right then that I haven't been doing for the last five years so I don't really even enjoy my "good" days.

Yesterday was an above average day for me. Actually got a cover letter done for a job I'm going to apply for even though there's little chance I'll get it once they see I haven't done anything for 5 years. Mood is going down hill today. Beating myself up for being unreliable (due to depression), for all my past lies and mistakes. Feeling hopeless about the future.

Does it ever end? What's the point?

A year and thank GoD that it gotten better with luvox

[englishteacher]

It lasts my whole life....I've suffered depression since I was in elementary school. But mine is cyclical....up,down, up, down.....I think 6 months is the longest I've been really depressed in one stretch...but since I'm not depressed now...I couldn't say for sure. everything seems brighter when I'm not depressed so I tend to downplay the bad times.

[BigC222]

50 years. Yes, that's right -- I'm an old man now, made older by this curse! I've tried antidepressants and counselors (talk therapy, cognitive/behavioral) to no avail. Of course there's been periods of a more stable mood, even euphoria -- but they don't last.

I've always overemphasized my career, to the detriment of any true social ties. After all these years, I still find myself in a state of constant social isolation, seemingly chained to a laptop. Is it really that hard to find a few friends who I can communicate with?

[ayana95]

I've been depressed since I was 7. I was 13 when I first started treatment after a attempt. I stopped then started again at 17 after a break up. I was again hit hard at 25. That was 10 years ago. Still in treatment. Don't know what my dx was as a minor. Back then they didn't tell you.