[sas123]

Hi there. I just need some advice on how to deal with this. A friend who I work with walked out of work after arguing with a colleague (who is also a friend), went home and took an overdose. I knew she was really upset and asked her if she was OK as she walked passed me, she just said she didn't feel well and was going home. At the time I hoped she was OK! The next heard she was in intensive care and on a ventilator!. They tried to wake her up this morning and didn't succeed, so she is still on a ventilator.

I knew she has been struggling with depression after her husband left and started to be abusive, but she has been on anti-depressants and has seemed a little better the last few weeks. We have all been telling her to go for professional help but she has declined. I just feel so helpless and sad. Even if she comes round she will have everything to deal with again! I really want to help her but I'm struggling at the moment too and I don't know if I've got the emotional strength to help her. Also my friend that had the argument with her must be feeling really awful, and I don't know how to help her either! I told her it wasn't her fault and it would have just been something else, and then wondered if I should have just kept quiet!

Thanks
Sarah

[eskielover]

To start with, it was good to tell your friend that it wasn't her fault.....she needs to know that if she doesn't know it already but it's good to reinforce that knowledge no matter what. Hopefully, your friend that had the argument with her is knowledgeable about what the other friend is struggling with & knows that is the cause of her action & not the argument. Arguments like that are usually a side effect of other things that are bothering a person & aren't the problem itself as you are quite aware of as you wrote in your post.

Now, as far as helping your friend who OD'ed, that's a tough one. I was where she was after loosing my career & having a bad marriage which I used my career to escape from. I was in ICU & on a ventilator for just over 24 hours......but even after that, it would't have mattered what anyone said. There wasn't any amount of emotional help from anyone that would have helped, it was something that I had to figure out myself & sort through & deal with in my own mind. The only thing that is important to remind a person in that state is that the horrible feeling she's feeling will pass as she accepts her husband's leaving & takes positive action against his abuse......direct her actions against her husband & not against herself. I know when I finally left my husband it was the best thing I ever did in the 33 years I tried to stick it out. I never would have guessed as I was laying in ICU that my life could ever be as wonderful as it has turned out to be. I still have problems, but life 13+ years later has been the most wonderful life I could have ever imagined. We can't see into the future to know what it holds, but it's usually so much better than the horrible time we go through that causes us to feel low enough to want to end our life.

Those are really the only things that you can remind a person who is feeling like that because the bottom line is that until I got through those really bad years & was able to come to terms with life in my own mind, nothing anyone said really made much difference at all, not even therapy......but I was really a mess for over 5 years at that time.....& looking back, I thank God daily that He got me through that time alive.

[sas123]

Thankyou Eskielover. Its great hearing from someone who has been through it and come out the other side.

[sugahorse1]

I've taken an OD, so I can talk about what helped me.

I was forced to see a T while in hospital - maybe this is the case for her too.

Thereafter it was my decision to continue seeing my T. The emotional support helped, but at times I just wanted to be alone. Sure, it's important to know there's someone there when I need them, but I also needed my space. Be sure to really be available for her once she reaches out.

Please don't feel guilt yourself - this was really not your fault. You cannot do more than be there for her when she makes the decison to ask for help. Ideally she needs to see a professional, but if you keep bringing it up, she may well reject it even more