[dexter]

So yesterday even when it was very clear they weren't coming to get me for the partial program, I still jumped to my window every time I heard a noise or a car drive by... not voluntarily I was just still in "don't keep the bus waiting" mode all day long. That is part of what made it so hard to get any rest yesterday.

On top of it, all day long for the past few days, I think someone down the block is building something, but everytime I hear any noise, or banging, or a kid's ball hitting my house, or anything, my whole body tenses up because I think they are coming to shut off my electricity again or something. I slept with my window air conditioner on last night just to have the noise distract me, otherwise I couldn't sleep at all.

It makes for a tense day.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((dexter)))))))))) i can imagine that. it sounds like EXTREME anxiety and i'm sorry. that's miserable.

i hope today is better for you.

have you tryed playing your favorite music when you go to sleep to block out the external noises, i normally put 4 or 5 albums on when i try and go to sleep, turn out the light and it relaxes me, the music is not loud enough to keep me awake, but it cuts out the sound of cars, people and other external noises so they dont keep me awake.

[dexter]

Good segue for me to post about my dad...

Unfortunately I can no longer fall asleep to music, any music, it reminds me of my parents house too much. (If you haven't seen the pictures: Dexter's Parents House )

You can see all the stereo equipment in those photos, my dad designed and built high end audio equipment, and he used to work late, so there was ALWAYS music playing in the house. Music of all types, classical, rock, jazz. He would give customer demos in the house too so occasionally there would be very loud music while I was in bed. (I remember the time a customer brought Pink Floyd and my bed was beating like a heartbeat).

This was always a good thing. I came to really appreciate the music always being on, the way it sounded coming from another part of the house, and in fact when I went to college I found it difficult to sleep without the music.

Then at some point the whole thing flip-flopped. Having in part to do with me coming to resent my dad and also just getting used to sleeping without it. People here know I no longer speak to my dad but actually that started while I was still living in their house before my mom died. I would avoid him, enter and leave the house when he was not lurking around (same with the kitchen, I would rush down and get something then run up and eat it in my room).

He then also started working much later at night and the music would keep me awake and very frustrated. It wasn't just music, it was music starting and stopping, soft and then loud, test signals, never a song even played all the way through... that is annoying!

I have begun to come to terms with having music in my own home again, sometimes I do leave the radio on all day downstairs. But not at night when I am trying to sleep.

Thanks mellors, it is a very good suggestion, and for me an opportunity to vent while I am stuck here

[(JD)]

((((dexter)))) I'm sorry you are so vigilant. I know where you're at, and it's not fun. I have to turn the tv up loud, or put on the "mind eraser" cd (as my T calls it) to not be so jumpy at loud sounds. I have menieres, so the sounds have to be loud.. like THUNDER!!! grrrr with a t storm, I have to have the lights on to deflect the flashing outside. and the tv... but my neighbor WAS digging in the yard a short time ago, and with coral rock...it resonates for the whole block!

Take care, it is what it is. Don't beat yourself up about how you have to cope. It's ok!

I use a fan. I can't sleep without the white noise.

sorry i couldnt br of more help to you dexter