[geekgirl]

Does anyone else feel like this? I have probably licked my depression that I had last year during the stress of the divorce and many changes in my life.

There are still things left to settle like a possible bankruptcy for me.

But I just feel blah right now. I don't want to do anything. I went through two weeks of alien hell with my ex living with me recently and an encounter with him last night because he needed money. It drained me again.

I don't want to work, and I have to. And I don't have a bad job... I actually LIKE my job, but could care less about it right now.

I am not really interested in any activities. I just don't care to participate, nothing seems interesting. I did ask someone to join me at a halloween fest this weekend just so that I don't crawl into a hole. But I'm not sure if this will pan out, and if it doesn't... I don't think I care.

I have a ton of stuff to do around my home. Clean it up. I don't wnat to. Need to do laundry. I could care less if I have clean underwear or not.

I have bills to pay and a bank account to balance. Who cares? Heh... It seems like all I did was throw money out the door for this divorce and then ended up helping to support my ex for a while and he can't even give me back owed child support.

I just exist. I hate t his and yet I can't motivate myself to move from here.

This really sucks. I know it sounds like a pity party. But... the recent time with my ex dragged me down. I realized that while I had hoped that perhaps we'd reconcile, there's nothing to reconcile with right now. He really is a lost soul and has a bad attitude. Being with him just wore me down. I was constantly on edge. I couldn't relax in my own home.

I went through a pile of emotions during our separation and divorce. Feeling overwhelmed. Hurt and betrayed when I realized the extent of his deception. Shock at the idea he may have an addiction. Lonely because I hated coming home and the family was devestated and blown to bits. Anxious because I never knew what was going to hit me next... a broken water pump, a chimney fire, a death in the family, yada yada yada all within a couple of years.

Now... I hoped my life would calm down. And I feel nothing right now. Not unhappy but so tired and unmotivated. I don't even know if this is normal.

[heidu]

Geekgirl,
I feel alot of those same things. I force myself to be motivated no matter how much I don't want to. Nothing seems real fun, real exciting or real worth it. Some days I just take the day off and veg without feeling too bad. I know I need it.

The time with your ex might have been hard on you but maybe it gave you a new outlook on things and a realization that you really shouldn't be with him. If spending time with him is so emotionally draining on you than it's not a good relationship for you.
You've gone thru alot and you said you have come a long way. Life is still hard but you can make it thru the rest. I have no doubt that you have the ability to continue to make changes and make your life better. Maybe you just need a mental break so you can start fresh again.
Sending hugs and a wish for a good day :O)
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[ltlredvett]

geekgirl...

You have described my existence to a tee. It is VERY difficult for me to get motivated to do just about anything. I exist day to day. Am very unproductive at work, have let myself go, bills are unpaid until I absolutely have to pay them. It is a vicious cycle that I just can't seem to break.

Sounds like your depression is still more active than you may think. Like a low grade fever... just hanging on to you... not really making you feel extremely ill but impacting you nonetheless.