[jazper]

How do you know this is JUST depression? Things are really bad at the moment and I am having bouts of paranoia, bad bad thoughts about what is happening around me. My family members and what they are and are not doing and saying etc.
I do not want to get out of bed. I do not want to function. I am contemplating just shutting down and not answering the door or phone. I think I am more than (I nearly said JUST) depressed. I want to get in the car and drive away from my life. Those around me are hurting me beyond measure. I cant say anything to them. They do not care, they do not think of anyone but themselves, certainly they dont look AT me and see what they do to me. I am breaking apart. I want to shut down. My hands are tied between what I want, and what I feel I should do, so I do not hurt any one else feelings. Then I get angry because they obviously dont care what they do to me. Oh I am so confused. I feel like I am in crisis here. What can I do without hurting anymore?

Hi Jazper,
I'm sorry you are feeling this way, I feel exactly the same.
I feel this pain too and i know it hurts so much if you ever need to talk im here for you.
My best wishes ((((Jazper))))

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by jazper

How do you know this is JUST depression?

Lots of medical tests -- and it's possible one of those tests may find something else accompanying the depression.

Jazper, if you feel in crisis, then perhaps you should listen to yourself and treat this as a crisis. Try to allow yourself the freedom to be in crisis and step out of routine to deal with what you are facing. Addressing issues now is preferable to confronting worse later.

Originally Posted by jazper

What can I do without hurting anymore?

I don't know. Maybe someone closer to you does or will know. You have repeatedly (I think) borne the privilege and burden of being with those who are passing from this world. Does that have something to do with your hurt?

[karenws]

Jazper,
It sounds like your depression might be a process of disengaging from these people who are hurting you. It sounds like you would like to end some relationships here, but your reluctance to hurt them is an obstacle. By focusing on your belief that they don't have the same concern for you that you are showing to them, you are slowly, bit by bit, undoing your attachment to them.

When you say you are questioning what is real, it sounds like you may be reworking your view of how to see things, and while this reworking process is taking place, it's not clear what is real and what isn't.

I think after the depression has run its course, you will have a new view of reality and you will be able to clearly decide once and for all whether you want these people in your life or if you are, in fact, ready to leave and start working on building a new social circle.