[Kaitlyn]

What do you do when a friendship you need is the friendship that makes your depression worse?

It seems like the more I talk to my hermana (sister) the worse my depression becomes. But she was the one person who understood me. I don't know what to do. Talking to her about this isn't helping and it only seems to cause more strains between the two of us.

Does anyone have any advice as to what I could do? Do I just keep talking to her and see how things work out or is simply stop talking to her for a while the thing to do????

I'm so confused right now and I don't know what to do. I seriously need some advice!!!

Kaitlyn.

[lavieenrose]

Can you be more specific about the problem? What goes wrong in the interaction? Where does the strain come in?

[Kaitlyn]

Originally Posted by lavieenrose

Can you be more specific about the problem? What goes wrong in the interaction? Where does the strain come in?

She's trying to push me to go into the hospital because of my depression. Even though I've talked about it with my doctor and my doctor doesn't want to send me to the ER. She's pissed off that I keep skipping my meds and she's using negative reinforcement to get me to take my meds....meaning she's with hold chatting with me on facebook and the amount of emails she sends me and that kind of thing. Which is only making me worse because negative reinforcement NEVER works....if someone wants me to do something there needs to be positive reinforcement. So I sent her an email and a message on facebook telling her that and I'm waiting to hear back from her. I most likely won't hear back from her at all tonight or tomorrow.

Kaitlyn

[venusss]

Originally Posted by Kaitlyn

She's trying to push me to go into the hospital because of my depression. Even though I've talked about it with my doctor and my doctor doesn't want to send me to the ER. She's pissed off that I keep skipping my meds and she's using negative reinforcement to get me to take my meds....meaning she's with hold chatting with me on facebook and the amount of emails she sends me and that kind of thing. Which is only making me worse because negative reinforcement NEVER works....if someone wants me to do something there needs to be positive reinforcement. So I sent her an email and a message on facebook telling her that and I'm waiting to hear back from her. I most likely won't hear back from her at all tonight or tomorrow.

Kaitlyn

You need to tell her that your treatment is none of her business. If she is your friend she will be there for you. She will distract you. She will go for a walk with you... but your medical treatment is none of her damn business.

Be clear about it and if she does not change... time to dump her manipulative behind.

Sadly, she is probably just misinformed... but you don't have to bear with that kind of behaviour.

[Kaitlyn]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

You need to tell her that your treatment is none of her business. If she is your friend she will be there for you. She will distract you. She will go for a walk with you... but your medical treatment is none of her damn business.

Be clear about it and if she does not change... time to dump her manipulative behind.

Sadly, she is probably just misinformed... but you don't have to bear with that kind of behaviour.

I know she's doing this because she cares about me and loves me...and she wants me to get better depression wise. And she's already told me she won't let up on it. I told her two weeks ago NOT to say things to me bluntly and she said she'd try....well, she's not trying that well.

The worst part is that she's married to a cousin of mine. Which means if I want to see him when he comes here in the summers I'd have to see her too. So I can't really cut her out of my life.

[venusss]

The thing is... she is not the one to decide if you should or shouldn't go to hospital... the best thing my friends can do for me when I am down is to... distract me at the moment. They cannot help me medically. They cannot really offer a deep psychological insight...

People should be aware of this... they are not professionals... they can offer insight,, but if the person refuses the advice... than stop hammering it in.

[Kaitlyn]

She's frustrated that I'm not getting effective treatment. And she wants me to take my meds every day, because when I don't I end up having really bad melt downs with feelings of suicidal and she's tired of trying to help me only to find out later that I didn't take my meds.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by Kaitlyn

She's frustrated that I'm not getting effective treatment. And she wants me to take my meds every day, because when I don't I end up having really bad melt downs with feelings of suicidal and she's tired of trying to help me only to find out later that I didn't take my meds.

Is there any reason you aren't taking your meds?

[Kaitlyn]

I'll take it regularly and then I'll get tired of taking them and I'll stop....or my depression symptoms get so bad that I'm too tired to take my meds or just want to give up treatment. She's doing what everyone else in my family is NOT doing. She essentially trying to save my life.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by Kaitlyn

I'll take it regularly and then I'll get tired of taking them and I'll stop....or my depression symptoms get so bad that I'm too tired to take my meds or just want to give up treatment. She's doing what everyone else in my family is NOT doing. She essentially trying to save my life.

so you feel the treatment is not helping you? Have you sought another options? Do you see a therapist?

I cannot really give too much advice...but neither can your friend. She may have a good intentions, but she is doing it wrong.

[Kaitlyn]

SHE feels the treatment is ineffective (she thinks I need aggressive treatment). I am seeing a counselor. She cares about me and loves me A LOT....and she hates that I'm suffering so badly. She wouldn't be doing this if she didn't care. And I did send her a message on facebook and to her email account letting her know that I need positive reinforcement and not negative reinforcement, so I'm hoping she responds soon with her thoughts. I doubt it will do any good though. And I doubt I'll hear from her any time soon.

She also suffered from PTSD.

[venusss]

treating depression is not all about drugs and agressive treatment... it is about finding a balance and good place in life... she should know that by what she thinks is tough love she is hurting you even more...

[Kaitlyn]

My depression is caused by PTSD.

I sent her this in a facebook message:

"Hiya!

I'm going to take my meds EVERY DAY like I'm supposed to. But, I'll need things to go back to the way they were between us....like when you were supportive and we chatted a lot (even if it was just a quick check-in chat!). I need positive reinforcement in terms of this. I want things to go back to the way the were before all this happened.

I know things are great between us as long as I take my meds on a regular basis. I think I've learned my lesson now. So can you pretty please go back to being warm and fuzzy towards me?????? Pretty please?


Let me know what you think.

XXOO! "

I still haven't heard from her which sucks a lot. Because it's now out of my hands and in hers now. I also sent her an email that is longer and a bit more in depth as to how what she's doing is affecting me.

I sent my cousin (her husband) a facebook message telling him to let her know I need her to check her facebook messages or email and I explained why and he said "ok" so I'm hoping he remembers to give her the message. He has the habit of forgetting things...and even if he does give her the message I doubt she'll pay attention to it.

[lavieenrose]

It can take such a long time to find the right medications, combinations, dosages. Then, some of us are unaffected by medication. Sounds like you've communicated your needs to her clearly. No one has control over anyone else, especially by coersion. I wish you the best.