[Secret81]

I can't seem to see the light in the darkness anymore. I have struggled with depression most of my life, on and off meds, and in and out of counseling. I thought eventually my life would "level" out and my happiness would come. When I had my babies I had finally felt true happiness for the first time in my life. I had a purpose. I was a mommy. They love me and I love them. Since my separation with my husband my oldest child has been so angry at me. Wen they are here I'm just ok...I think about them having to leave (even just overnight) and I get so depressed and anxious. Then when they are gone I just cease to function. They have been my reason for living for a long time. Its really hard to keep focused on that when they are not here. Their dad is turning them against me and I just don't even know what to do anymore. My purpose is gone half the time.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Secret81.

Wow. You have not had an easy life, and present circumstances add significantly to the misery. Throw depression into the mix and...wow.

You've tried meds and counseling. What kind of practical support do you have now? Is there anyone around to help you advocate for yourself or even advocate for you with the father?

[dandylin]

I'm so sorry. I know it sounds trite, but your kids need you. The thing that keeps me going is also my kids. I try to visualize how this would so horribly affect/effect them
Chin up sister

[Secret81]

I am currently in counseling which has been a double edged sword for me. It has brought up past hurts and made me face the present hurts head on. I have started having nightmares again and I haven't had those in years. I just want it all to stop. I want to be happy for my kids but I just don't know what else to do. Everyone keeps telling my husband to let go including his family but he is so controlling over me he won't do it. I can't afford a lawyer and I don't really know where else to turn.